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" Let’s say you’re trying to get a client (we’ll call him Ned) to buy a product, hire you as a consultant, or retain your firm for a project. But after you lay out the deal you’re hoping for, Ned says no. When Ned does this, he’s feeling a little edgy and defensive because he expects you to be frustrated or angry or upset—or to start in with a hard sell, making his life hell for the next 15 minutes. If you do any of these things, you’re not going to win Ned over. Instead, take a breath and then, as earnestly as possible, say something like this: “I either pushed too hard or failed to address something that was important to you, didn’t I? "
― Mark Goulston , Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
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" After Ned recovers from his momentary shock at your self-awareness and humility, he’ll nod in agreement or even say, with an awkward smile, “You sure did.” At that moment, the advantage shifts to you. Why? Because Ned’s mentally agreeing and aligning himself psychologically with you. In other words, without knowing it, he’s actually beginning to say “yes.” Once you score this agreement (“Yes, I agree that you blew it!”), it’s time to use the Fill in the Blanks approach from Chapter 21 to build on the moment by saying, “And the point where I went too far and the deal points I failed to address were ———————— "
― Mark Goulston , Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
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" Suddenly and unexpectedly, however, the blamer knows just how sad, angry, scared, or lonely the defender feels and spontaneously turns into an ally. When the defender feels understood by the blamer and that they are on the same side, there’s nothing to defend against. The defender’s wall, and with it his unspoken rage and frustration, dissipates. The relief from no longer feeling “fear or loathing” toward the blamer spontaneously triggers a tremendous rush of gratitude and—miraculously—the person’s quiet rage turns into forgiveness and, beyond that, a willingness to work toward solutions. "
― Mark Goulston , Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone