Home > Author > Steven Wright
161 " If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? "
― Steven Wright
162 " How did a fool and his money get together in the first place? "
163 " I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. "
164 " When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? "
165 " I had amnesia once or twice. "
166 " Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives? "
167 " If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? "
168 " I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. "
169 " I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there. "
170 " The doctor says he has to amputate all of me. "
171 " Smoking cures weight problems, eventually. "
172 " I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars. "
173 " Is it possible to be totally partial? "
174 " Women. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. "
175 " Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out. "
176 " I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he's gone. "
177 " You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time. "
178 " I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger. "
179 " I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine. "
180 " Does fuzzy logic tickle? "