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21 " Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. "
― Steven Wright
22 " A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here. "
23 " I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. "
24 " I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension. "
25 " I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. "
26 " It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature. "
27 " I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one. "
28 " If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap? "
29 " If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell. "
30 " I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay! "
31 " If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? "
32 " Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”? "
33 " Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? "
34 " What happens if you get scared half to death twice? "
35 " I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying. "
36 " If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. "
37 " When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. "
38 " If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know? "
39 " Hermits have no peer pressure. "
40 " When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. "