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81 " Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. "
― Steven Wright
82 " I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote. "
83 " I can levitate birds. No one cares. "
84 " Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak? "
85 " Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday. "
86 " Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. "
87 " Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes. "
88 " If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? "
89 " I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. "
90 " If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. "
91 " Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it? "
92 " Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? "
93 " I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it. "
94 " I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time. "
95 " When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually. "
96 " A metaphor is like a simile. "
97 " When an evil masochist dies, does he go to hell, or would heaven be a better punishment? "
98 " Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts? "
99 " What is the speed of dark? "
100 " I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. "