Home > Author > Joanne McClean
21 " Don't worry girls ... I have the bladder of a camel ... "
― Joanne McClean , Three Weddings and a Single Bridesmaid
22 " I throw him a smile and pull on my suit jacket and then my hat. “Come on, what would you do?”He pauses for a moment and then lets out a low chuckle. “Just go. Maybe you two can sing in the rain Frank!” he jests, eyeballing my fedora.I throw him a sly smirk. “You may be the better looking brother Kyle, but you know I’m the one with the killer style! "
― Joanne McClean , Red Hair and a lot of Flair
23 " Crap. What do I say? “Hi, I followed you here.” Yeah, that’s not super creepy and stalkerish at all.Nope, time for plan B. "
24 " I eye the karaoke machine in alarm.Shit. I’m going to need a shot.“Let’s do Ssssummer Nightsssss! I jusssst love Greasssse!”Scratch that … I’m going to need a shitload of alcohol before I even think about singing!I turn to Mavis. “Give me everything you’ve got. If I’m going to sing a ‘Grease’ song, I’m not going to do it sober! "
25 " Lorelai pulls me in closer and I feel her hair brush the side of my face.Huh, she smells like bubblegum and oranges.Wait. What the hell?Oh great! I’m actually sniffing her hair now. Yeah, that’s not super creepy at all!Time to dial back the crazy. It would be wrong to make a move, remember?The song ends and suddenly The Ronettes’ ‘Be My Baby’ starts to play.“Ah! I loooove thissss!” Lorelai declares as she grabs me and starts gyrating up and down. It’s wrong to make a move. It’s wrong to make a move. It’s wrong to make a move.Oh God … "
26 " Shit. Is this a good idea? I’m a lawyer for Christ’s sake. I look at Lorelai and she looks so happy that I don’t care anymore.Screw it! If she wants to vandalise this prick’s car, I’m game.I can come up with an alibi for us both later … "
27 " Damn, the girl is all red hair and a whole lot of flair! "
28 " I watch as she quickly grabs her dress and then suddenly pulls off my t-shirt, leaving her standing in her underwear. Shit! What the hell?A bit of warning would have been nice.What is she thinking stripping off in front of someone she thinks she doesn’t know?Wait. Damn, she looks hot.Shit.Stop staring!Look away!Look away or she’ll think you’re a creep! "
29 " First off, what the hell kind of name is that? Wow, her parents were pretentious naming their daughter Temperance! What the actual fuck? "
― Joanne McClean , Someone Like You
30 " Come on Nerd Girl, tonight I educate on the delights of binge-drinking, flirting and drunken dancing. "
31 " I awake to hear a shower running and quickly stifle a groan.Oh God, my head hurts!How much did I have to drink last night?I slowly prise open one eye and quickly close it again, the light hurts my delicate hung-over state too much.I sigh heavily and try to recall what exactly happened last night. "
― Joanne McClean , Blue Eyes and Sweet Peach Pie
32 " Okay, I’m going to move on before I suddenly grow a vagina or something ... "
― Joanne McClean , Letters from Charlie
33 " So, I turn on the charm and ask ¿Cuánto cuesta pene?Pretty impressive, right?Wrong.What I should have said was ¿Cuánto cuesta ese peine?So, now you’re probably wondering what I did ask her. Well, when I said that, she threw me this really dirty look and chased me out of the shop. So, I looked it up … I asked her the price of my … let’s just say male anatomy part. "
34 " He throws me a wide grin. “Ooh, calmed down then, have we? I must say, your death threats are quite refreshing – they’re a nice little step up from telling me to get my head out of my ass.”I shoot him daggers. “Bite me.”“Wow, I had no idea you were into that shit.” he quips with a wicked grin. “And I had no idea that you could reach a new level of asshole. "
35 " I find him cracking open a beer in the kitchen.Jeez, doesn’t the guy know the dangers of alcohol poisoning? "
36 " Darlin’, I’ve heard all about fifty shades of grey but I never knew there were fifty shades of denim! "
37 " You know there’s a word for someone like you … naïve. "
38 " Yeah, well there’s also a word for someone like you … womaniser. "
39 " Fuck. I know we’re both pretty liquored up but neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation. "
40 " Oof! That’s what a guy gets for being chivalrous?” he says, pretending to look wounded but then grins wickedly. “Unless this is the start of my punishment – in which case, I think we should come up with some safe words before this gets completely out of hand.” I punch his shoulder. “No, that’s what you get for being a moron. What you could’ve got for being chivalrous … well, now you’ll never know.” I tell him with a wry laugh. "