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81 " I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. "
― Groucho Marx
82 " Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. "
83 " Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? "
84 " If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
85 " I must admit, I was born at an early age. "
86 " Do you mind if I don't smoke? "
87 " The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar. "
88 " Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?Woman: Really?Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere. "
89 " I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you. "
90 " Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you. "
91 " Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?"Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight. "
92 " There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says "yes" you know he is a crook. "
93 " We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own. "
94 " I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. "
― Groucho Marx , The Groucho Letters
95 " No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. "
96 " If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. "
97 " She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. "
98 " Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. "
99 " I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's. "
100 " Was that you or the duck? "