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" 68. Cheerfulness In Adversity
The Royal Marine Commandos, with whom I worked a lot in my military days, have the phrase ‘Cheerfulness in Adversity’ as one of their founding principles - and it is a great one to live by.
It is easy to be cheerful when everything is going like a song, but the real time to be cheerful is when everything is going dead wrong!
I remember in the North African desert once, when we were training with the French Foreign Legionnaires, that we had a particularly unpleasant night. The corporals took shifts to ensure that we were woken up every 15 minutes until down.
They would burst in and throw our kit all around and out of the windows, turn the beds upside down, empty the lockers into the desert sand, only to do it all over again as soon as we had tidied up. It was a real ball-breaker of a night.
But I will never forget one of the recruits, Bobby. At 4:30 a.m., during our darkest, most exhausting hour, when the corporals were in full swing and we had been up all night in the face of this mindless, sleep-defying beasting, Bobby looked at us, smiled and said: ‘Breakfast is comin’!’
There was something about the way he said it, with a wry grin as he set about retrieving his pile of kit from the rafters of the barrack block, that lifted all our spirits like nothing you could imagine.
From then on, whenever something has got really tough, I say to myself: ‘Don’t worry- breakfast is comin’!’ And it always makes me smile.
You see, Bobby knew that when it gets hard we all have two responses to choose from: to moan, or to put our heads down, smile and get on with it. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
123
" You see, Bobby knew that when it gets hard we all have two responses to choose from: to moan, or to put our heads down, smile and get on with it.
Remember: no one likes a moaner.
Wouldn’t we all rather work with someone who, when the workload gets insane, simply says: ‘Right, let’s put some music on, divide up the tasks and get cracking. Breakfast is comin’!’
Life is full of rough patches. All big goals, however glamorous on paper, will inevitably involve a load of boring tasks along the way - it’s just the way things are.
Moaning and being miserable doesn’t change the facts - nor does it improve the situation. In fact, it makes a bad situation worse.
When I’m on expeditions, I value cheerfulness almost as much as fresh water. And when you’re in life-and-death situations, it’s priceless.
You can’t always choose your situation, but you can always choose your attitude.
Not only can positive thinking lead to positive outcomes, but there’s another very good reason why cheerfulness is good for survival: people are more likely to want to help you and stick with you.
And in adversity, you’re going to want all the help you can get.
So learn from the Commandos, smile when it is raining, and show cheerfulness in adversity - and look at the hard times as chances to show your mettle.
‘Breakfast is comin’! "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
124
" 32. Laugh At Yourself
Everyone always warms to people who can laugh at themselves. It’s human nature - and the best jokes are always against ourselves. It shows character, humility and grace.
So don’t take yourself too seriously: if you fall in the mud, just sit up tall and laugh.
Conversely, note how those who laugh at
others
are the people we instinctively pull away from.
People who laugh at others are really showing that they think they’re better than the people they’re making fun of. And if they laugh at them, then we naturally think that maybe next time they will be laughing at us - behind our backs. And no one likes that.
The ability to laugh at yourself also shows to others that you adhere to one of the great teachings of the Bible:
Be humble, and consider others better than yourself.
Great people make you feel great about yourself. They build others up, they pay compliments often and freely, and they don’t pull others down to push themselves up.
So laugh at yourself, not others; build others up before yourself; and talk well, not nastily, about others in public.
I love this idea: How you speak about others speaks loudest about yourself. It is so true (which is why there’s a whole chapter on it later in the book).
It is one of my life goals that, at my funeral, those who know me will be able to stand up and say they never heard me speak badly of anyone else.
(By the way, I have failed at this many times already, but it is still a good goal to have!)
Like you, I am still a work in progress, but I am trying, like you, to do better. Every day a little kinder, a little more generous, and taking myself a little less seriously.
Great men and women never take themselves seriously. It is part of what makes them great.
Look at the animals: the strongest grizzly bear still rolls around with her cubs, goofing. It is part of their strength and magnetic appeal. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
127
" Cowards criticize mainly because it makes them feel better about their own lack of courage to try anything daring themselves. So the best (though often the hardest) thing to do is to ignore their criticism. Or, even better, use it as fuel to your fire.
We all face criticism and we all have to live with our ‘failures’, and other people’s opinions of those ‘failures’, but try not to take them personally. Consider them as signposts that you are doing something right.
It means you are where you should be: in the arena, in the battle, and another stepping stone closer to success.
Edmund Hillary, Neil Armstrong, you know the names. Men who embraced the ultimate in risk and failure. And if they hadn’t faced the risk and failure, then both Everest and the moon would have very different stories to tell.
You see, if it was all easy then everyone would succeed. It is precisely the risk and the chances of failure that give us the opportunity for success. And if you can fail more than anyone else you know, I just bet that you will finally succeed! Fail, fail, fail again. Sound strange? Well, it is a key to succeeding.
Go out there, take calculated risks, work hard, be ready for the break, and be prepared to run when everyone else is slowing down.
Then success will come knocking. It is a law of the universe and a wonderful part of how the world works. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
128
" 42. Stop ‘Trying’!
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t like the word ‘try’. Trying to do something just sounds like you’re not really making that much effort - and the result is almost inevitable.
(I mean, what does it say about someone if you describe them as a ‘trying’ person? It means they try our patience to the limit!)
Somewhere in our brains the word ‘try’ gets associated with phrases like ‘He tried his best’ and ‘Try again’ or ‘I’ll try to make it’. It’s almost as if
trying
to do something means you’re setting yourself up to fail short of your goal.
So I swap the word ‘try’ for the better version:
endeavour.
If you endeavour to do something, this indicates real intent, a willingness to stick with it, and an ability to see things through to the end.
Also, an endeavor sounds like you’re on an epic, polar, life-or-death mission, which instantly makes whatever your task is more appealing! "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
129
" Let me give you one of my favorite examples of the difference between trying and endeavoring.
When a new motorway was built, taking passing traffic away from Colonel Sanders’ restaurant, his business crumbled. About to retire with just a paltry military pension, he was facing a bleak future. But the one thing he knew he had that was of value was a mighty fine chicken recipe.
He didn’t have the money to open a new restaurant, but he figured he could franchise his chicken recipe to other restaurateurs and earn a slice of every chicken meal sold. After all, he had been selling his special chicken recipe for years in his own small restaurant: how hard could it be?
The answer was: very.
The first restaurant he went to politely asked him to leave with the words: ‘We have a good chicken recipe of our own already; why would we want to pay you for another?’ The same thing happened at the next place he endeavoured to persuade.
And the next.
But he persisted.
Guess how many no’s he got before someone agreed to give his ‘finger-licking’ recipe a ‘try’?
The elderly Colonel Sanders had to knock on 1,009 doors before someone gave him a yes and the legend and business empire that became Kentucky Fried Chicken was finally born.
Now, how many of us, after the first 50 no’s, might have thought that maybe we should quit (or at least check our chicken recipe!)?
What about after ONE THOUSAND no’s?
I reckon most people wouldn’t even have got to the hundredth door, and long before they rang the 1,009th doorbell they would have given up. ‘Well, we
tried
our best’ would have been a fair assessment. But not for the good colonel!
Colonel Sanders - he really was an army veteran with some great military doggedness - had that spirit of determination, that
endeavor
, not to quit until he had found the thing he was looking for.
Trying often comes before failure. Endeavour more often leads to success.
But they are just words, I hear you say. Why does it matter whether we say ‘try’ or ‘endeavour’?
It matters, believe me. Our words become our attitudes and our attitudes become our life. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
130
" 33. Keep Good Company
Ever heard the phrase that you can judge a man - and a woman - by the company he keeps? I’ve already talked about steering clear of the dream-stealers, but there are other people that most of us have in our lives who do us no favours whatsoever.
If you’ve got a friend who’s always putting you down, or always telling you that your ideas are naff, or who takes the mick out of your taste in clothes, music or books, then I bet you go home after seeing that friend feeling less good about yourself.
We’ve all had friends who turn up, open their mouths and spew out a torrent of negative junk about their lives.
Now, if someone came round to your home and emptied an actual bag of trash all over your sitting room, you’d go crazy - and you’d be unlikely to invite them round again. Well, we should do the same to those who dump their junk on us mentally.
Just because you can’t see their negative verbal junk, it doesn’t mean it isn’t cluttering your life, and polluting your dreams and attitude. Don’t hang out with people like that.
If, on the other hand, you have a friend who laughs along at your same old jokes, encourages you to try new things and makes you feel good about yourself, then that’s the person to spend time with. That’s the positive junk! The good stuff.
The less you see of your toxic friends and the more you see of your enthusiastic friends, the better you will feel about yourself, and the better you will become. We are such social creatures that we all tend to become like the people we hang out with. It is human nature.
So spend your days in the company of people who build you up and who see your mountain as achievable. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
131
" 22. Commit To ‘Fail’
Failure teaches us so much about ourselves, and about life, that we should welcome it. This might sound odd, but it’s only when you are prepared to embrace failure that you can truly set yourself up for success.
You see, nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Every time you try and do something new, or something difficult, or unusual, you are absolutely going to get doors closed in your face, friends mocking you and phones slammed down on you.
Rejection and disappointment is going to come at you from all angles.
One way or another, you need to find a way to cope with that failure. I do it by seeing failure as a stepping stone on the path to where I want to go. Every time I fail, I take comfort in knowing I’m closer to my goal.
I remember hearing the story of a father telling his kid that in order to succeed, he first had to go out and fail 22 times - only when he had done that would they discuss success again.
Now, I’m not sure why he said 22 times exactly, but the attitude is wonderfully counter-society. The father knew that if his son failed 22 times, then along the way he was inevitably bound, at some point, to succeed.
Fail your way to success. Embrace it. All of those 22 opportunities to succeed.
We live in a world where dream-stealers tell us to be scared to dare greatly, because of the chance of failure and the level of risk. But all great adventures have risk and a chance of failure. That’s the whole point - otherwise it isn’t an adventure!
So get out there and get busy ‘failing’… "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
132
" The less you see of your toxic friends and the more you see of your enthusiastic friends, the better you will feel about yourself, and the better you will become. We are such social creatures that we all tend to become like the people we hang out with. It is human nature.
So spend your days in the company of people who build you up and who see your mountain as achievable.
It is why I pick team members on big expeditions so carefully. I don’t pick people just for their skills - the world is full of skilful people. I pick those who have that rare combination of good skills and even better attitudes.
Those who see the glass as half full; those who will see an obstacle as a challenge not a problem; those who help others, who encourage others and who will watch my back when it is turned.
Picking friends and expedition members who are better than you is a sure way to grow yourself. It elevates us, it inspires us, and together we all get stronger.
But most people do the opposite: they pick friends or team members who are just a little ‘lower’ down the pecking order than they are, because it makes them feel superior. But that is not the path of growth - it is the path of mediocrity.
The true champion, the true summiteer, hangs out with those who help and inspire them to be even better - through encouragement, through their actions and through their attitudes. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
133
" 38. No One Cares How Much You Know Until They Know How Much You Care
My SAS patrol sergeant Chris Carter was the living embodiment of this advice, and if you are ever in a position of leading a team or managing people, following his selfless example will help you become a better leader and enable your team to achieve more.
Can you imagine how I felt after Chris had let me drink his last drops of water? Gratitude doesn’t come close.
One of the regiment’s toughest, most hardened of soldiers was showing that he was looking out for me way beyond the call of duty. And once I had been shown how much he cared, I knew that, in return, I would never let him, or the regiment, down.
That simple act of kindness, of caring, is always at the heart of great brotherhoods. Call it what you will: camaraderie, shared purpose. The end product was that here was a man I would work my guts out for. And that made us all stronger.
Ditto, on a mountain: the most important bit of kit or resource on any expedition is always the human asset. When valued and empowered, humans have proved they can truly overcome the impossible and scale the unconquerable. But first we have to be valued and empowered.
The real value of a team is never in the flash hi-tech equipment or branded sponsors. It’s the people and the relationships between them.
As a leader, in whatever field, it is one thing for your team to see how much you know, but that knowledge isn’t what will make your team great. What makes the critical difference is how you use that knowledge.
Do you use it to empower and support those around you? Do you value others above yourself?
Is your ego small enough, and your backbone strong enough, to raise others up high on your shoulders?
If you let people know, through your words and actions, that they really matter, that their work matters, that their wellbeing matters to you, then they will go to the ends of the Earth for you. Why? Because they know they can trust you to use all your knowledge, skills and power to support and encourage them.
You see, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
135
" 69. When You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going
Whether I have been in the middle of a dusty, barren desert, stuck in a mosquito-infested swamp, or freezing cold and wet in the middle of the ocean, there is always one thing I tell myself above everything else (and it is an easy one to remember, even when you are dog tired and not feeling particularly brave or strong). It’s this…
…just keep going. JKG.
Winston Churchill said it in one of the darkest moments of World War Two, when the outlook was as bleak as it had ever been. On 10 May 1940, the British looked to be finished. They stood alone against the vicious and victorious Nazis.
Two weeks after Churchill came to power, France was knocked out of the war, and 340,000 British troops had to scramble to escape over the beaches at Dunkirk. The Germans had absolute control of all of Europe.
It seemed impossible that Britain could survive.
What was Churchill’s response? ‘When you’re going through hell, keep going.’
It is reassuring to know that the real heart of survival is as simple as this. All you have to do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if you don’t make much progress, you just have to keep going. It is not only the heart of survival, it is also the key to success.
It’s really not that different when we face traumas elsewhere in our lives. Bereavement, illness and heartbreak are part of every human life. Sometimes the emotional impact of these events can bring us to our knees. But the way through is always the same: keep going.
When we give up, we know our destiny. When we keep going, we earn the right to choose our fate.
Ingrain it in your DNA: JKG. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
136
" 34. Find A Good Guide
When you pursue an exciting path through life, you are - inevitably - going to have moments of hardship, doubt, struggle and pain. It comes with the terrain of being a champion - in whatever field.
So accept that fact. But don’t despair, because the good news is that help is nearer at hand than you might imagine.
You see, if I am going to enter a difficult jungle or uncharted mountain range, I always make sure I have a good guide. Life is the same. Go it alone, by all means, but you make the journey that much harder. Trust me.
To give yourself the best shot of reaching your destination and achieving all you are meant to in your life, you need a great guide, someone who can lead you, inspire you, comfort and strengthen you - especially when the going gets tough, as it invariably will.
For me, my simple faith has so often brought light to a dark path, joy to a cold mountain and strength to a failing body.
And who better to have as a guide than the person who made the path or the mountain in the first place! "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
138
" Psalm 121 says:
I lift my eyes up to the mountain;
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
maker of Heaven, creator of the Earth.
Good person to have on side, I always figure.
Now, some of you will say, hey, I don’t need this Christian stuff. And I hear you. But it is easy to be cynical when all is going your way. Remember that. But to have faith…that is much harder and takes much more courage.
Robin Knox-Johnston, the round-the-world sailor, said: ‘There is no such thing as an atheist in the Southern Ocean.’ What that says to me is unless you know what it is like to be truly afraid and have no one around to help you, then don’t preach to me your atheism.
And, wow, it takes a proud man to say he never needs any sort of help or encouragement.
I sure need it.
But don’t worry. Believing quietly doesn’t mean you have to be all religious. I am not. And guess what…nor was Jesus! In fact, if you read about him, ¹ he was totally fun, ridiculously free, crazily wild, loved a party and always hung out with the non-religious folk.
The only people he ever got angry with were the ultra-religious types!
Instead, finding a faith should help you to be freer, more full of life, more filled with joy, peace and love than you would ever imagine. And those qualities, in abundance, will only make you stronger and more capable of living a wild and adventurous life. "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
139
" Instead, finding a faith should help you to be freer, more full of life, more filled with joy, peace and love than you would ever imagine. And those qualities, in abundance, will only make you stronger and more capable of living a wild and adventurous life.
And what is even cooler is that Jesus turns out to be so much more than just a guide or a pointer of the way. He is also a backbone, a companion and a friend. When I look at my own heroes, I realize there aren’t many leaders who haven’t at some time quietly bent their knee and looked upwards for strength, resolve and peace.
Great men and women know their own frailty and have the humility to accept help to empower them to greatness. Be among their number.
Pioneers always take bold steps to explore new territory - you never know what you might find.
By the way, it is also good to know that faith isn’t one-sided. As Christ said: ‘I have come to seek and save.’
He is out looking for us, too.
So be brave and let Him do his side of the bargain. I call it the quest to be found.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
¹ I really recommend the book
The Jesus I Never Knew
by Philip Yancey to help get a better picture of this guy who hit Earth promising life in abundance. I mean, what the heck is that all about?! "
― Bear Grylls , A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character