Home > Work > Love for Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection
61 " What distresses us is less the circumstances we find ourselves in and more the energy we expend in resisting them. Once we actually do the work, we are often surprised that it was not as hard as we imagined it to be. But when we resist, we become preoccupied by an endless cycle of negative thoughts, and in turn feel harried and stressed. "
― Haemin Sunim , Love for Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection
62 " Give more than you receive. "
63 " Because I have experienced pain,I am able to embrace the pain of others.Because I have made mistakes,I am able to forgive others their mistakes.May my suffering become the seed of compassion. "
64 " Perhaps there is no such thing as a “soul mate.”When you work hard to make your relationship work and stay together for a long time, then you each become the person you were meant to be with.Excerpt From: . “Love for Imperfect Things.” iBooks. "
65 " The first case is one in which the father behaves in an excessively patriarchal way, withholding affection and strictly enforcing rules and standards. He often controls his children by making them feel shame and guilt. To his children, such a father looms large, like a mountain that cannot be crossed. Even as adults, his children do not feel comfortable around him, having spent their childhood afraid of him, and cannot bring themselves to open up and have an honest conversation with him. "
66 " The second case concerns children who have witnessed the suffering of their mother because of their father’s extramarital affairs or lack of employment. Such children tend to develop deep sympathy for their mother and rage toward their father. If, as children, they were unable to express their anger toward their father, their repressed emotions make it difficult for them to engage with their father as adults. They often choose to avoid their father altogether. "
67 " We sometimes resort to verbal threats in the hope of making people come to their senses. For example: If you don’t do what I want, I will take away something that is important to you, or in the future I won’t give you what you need. This happens especially between family members. Unfortunately, such words won’t change people’s minds. They will only hurt them and make them dig in their heels. Instead, calmly explain why something is important to you, so your words don’t sound like threats or ultimatums. Change will last longer when it’s not forced but when it comes about becausethey have been convinced of its need. "
68 " Before you lay your head on your pillow and go to sleep, recall just three things you were thankful for today. If you continue to do this for two months, you will see an increase in your level of happiness, because instead of focusing on what is wrong with your life, you will develop a habit of looking for what is good. A happy mind-set needs practice. "
69 " Because I have experienced pain, I am able to embrace the pain of others. Because I have made mistakes, I am able to forgive others their mistakes. May my suffering become the seed of compassion. "
70 " When my meditation practice is going well,I am too busy looking within myselfto bother with other people’s affairs.But when I cannot concentrate on my meditation practice,my mind starts to wander and notice the faults in others.And I soon see they are my own faults reflected back at me.No one has asked me to focus my attention there. "
71 " WHAT DISTRESSES US IS LESS the circumstances we find ourselves in and more the energy we expend in resisting them "
72 " The doors to the enlightened mind are reached through the following: love, silence, acceptance, the present moment, the feeling of aliveness, open awareness, the mind with no thought, complete surrender. "
73 " Excessive thought won’t solve a problem.Rather than trying to fix it by thinking,set your mind at ease.A solution will rise to the surface.Remember that wisdom comes from stillness. "
74 " And the more we struggle to forget, the more we give strength to the memory and get attached to it. But there is one very important thing to remember: What causes us such distress is not the memory itself but the emotions that surround it—like regret, disappointment, anger, and frustration. "
75 " Even if you never achieve anything big and significant, to me, your existence alone is already enough. "
76 " If one of your children is jealous of her brother or sister, take her on a trip, however brief, just the two of you. If a trip is impossible, spend a whole day only with her. Eat something delicious together, play in a park, and listen to her. If children do not receive enough attention, psychological problems often emerge. "
77 " If I like myself, it is easy for me to like people around me. But if I am unhappy with myself, it is easy to feel unhappy with those around me. May you become your own biggest fan! "
78 " the fuelfor depressed feelings is negative thoughts. "
79 " When I extend a small kindness to others, I find it easier to like myself. If you feel that your self-esteem is low, try doing something nice for a stranger. As you begin to like yourself, your self-esteem will improve. "
80 " There is a saying in Korea: “Lengthy deliberation often leads to a terrible decision.” If you think and worry too much before doing something, “your boat goes to the mountain instead of the ocean.” Now and then it is necessary to trust your intuition and push ahead in the direction you feel is appropriate. "