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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself QUOTES

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself QUOTES

181 " Guilt and shame are not useful as a way of life. Stop the “shoulds.” Become aware of when we’re punishing and torturing ourselves and make a concerted effort to tell ourselves positive messages. If we should be doing something, do it. If we’re torturing ourselves, stop it. It gets easier. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

182 " Talk about your feelings. Take responsibility for them. Feel whatever feeling you have. Nobody made you feel. Someone might have helped you feel a particular way, but you did your feeling all by yourself. Deal with it. Then, tell yourself the truth about what happened.1 Was someone trying to sock it to you? (If in doubt about whether to interpret something as an insult or rejection, I prefer to believe it had nothing to do with me. It saves my time and helps me feel good about myself.) Were you trying to control someone or some event? How serious is the problem or issue? Are you taking responsibility for someone else? Are you angry because someone didn’t guess what you really wanted or what you were really trying to say? Are you taking someone’s behavior too personally? Did someone push your insecurity or guilt buttons? Is it truly the end of the world, or is it merely sad and disappointing? 4. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

183 " We don’t have to punish ourselves by feeling guilty to prove to God or anyone else how much we care.7 We need to forgive ourselves. Take the Fourth and Fifth Steps (see the chapter on working a Twelve Step program); talk to a clergy person; talk to God; make amends; and then be done with it. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

184 " But a second, more common denominator seemed to be the unwritten, silent rules that usually develop in the immediate family and set the pace for relationships.8 These rules prohibit discussion about problems; open expression of feelings; direct, honest communication; realistic expectations, such as being human, vulnerable, or imperfect; selfishness; trust in other people and one’s self; playing and having fun; and rocking the delicately balanced family canoe through growth or change—however "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

185 " The answer doesn’t come, but the power of being emotionally stuck is far greater than the power of reason.”2 "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

186 " OBSESSION Codependents "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

187 " Before I list the things codependents tend to do, however, I will make an important point: Having these problems does not mean we’re bad, defective, or inferior. Some of us learned these behaviors as children. Other people learned them later in life. We may have learned some of these things from our interpretation of religion. Some women were taught these behaviors were desirable feminine attributes. Wherever we learned to do these things, most of us learned our lessons well. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

188 " The love we give and receive will be enhanced by the love we give ourselves. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

189 " I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

190 " but the power of being emotionally stuck is far greater than the power of reason.”2 "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

191 " We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening. Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis reaction has become a habit. We react because we think things shouldn’t be happening the way they are. We react because we don’t feel good about ourselves. We react because most people react. We react because we think we have to react. We don’t have to. We don’t have to be so afraid of people. They are just people like us. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

192 " Not being centered in ourselves and not feeling emotionally secure with ourselves may trap us.3 We may become afraid to terminate relationships that are dead and destructive. We may allow people to hurt and abuse us, and that is never in our best interest. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

193 " reactionaries. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

194 " 1. Finish business from our childhoods, as best as we can. Grieve. Get some perspective. Figure out how events from our childhoods are affecting what we’re doing now. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

195 " You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know,” he replied. “And you have learned how to stop the pain. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

196 " Forgiveness is wonderful. It wipes the slate clean. It clears up guilt. It brings peace and harmony "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

197 " 2. Nurture and cherish that frightened, vulnerable, needy child inside us. The child may never completely disappear, no matter how self-sufficient we become. Stress may cause the child to cry out. Unprovoked, the child may come out and demand attention when we least expect it. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

198 " 3. Stop looking for happiness in other people. Our source of happiness and well-being is not inside others; it’s inside us. Learn to center ourselves in ourselves. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

199 " 4. We can learn to depend on ourselves. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

200 " It’s clear now that codependency isn’t a fad, as some people once claimed. It’s come full circle. As family illnesses, from alcoholism to Alzheimer’s disease, continue to become openly discussed by more people, so does the number of people seeking help for codependency increase. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself