Home > Work > Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
121 " The big reason for not repressing feelings is that emotional withdrawal causes us to lose our positive feelings. We lose the ability to feel. Sometimes, this may be a welcome relief if the pain becomes too great or too constant, but this is not a good plan for living. We may shut down our deep needs—our need to love and be loved—when we shut down our emotions. We may lose our ability to enjoy sex, the human touch. We lose the ability to feel close to people, otherwise known as intimacy. We lose our capacity to enjoy the pleasant things in life. We "
― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
122 " Sharing the emotional part of us with others creates closeness and intimacy. Also, being accepted by someone else for being who we are helps us accept ourselves. This is always a marvelous experience. "
123 " Codependent No More Workbook Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact Finding Your Way Home Gratitude "
124 " Remember, decisions don’t have to be made perfectly. We don’t have to be perfect. We don’t even have to be nearly perfect. We can just be who we are. We can make mistakes in our choices. We’re not so fragile we can’t handle making a mistake. It’s no big deal! It’s part of living. We can learn from our mistakes, or we can simply make another decision. "
125 " I spent many years of my life not even bothering to think about what I wanted and needed, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do. Life was to be endured. I didn’t think I deserved good things. I didn’t think most good things were within my reach. I wasn’t that interested in my life, except as an appendage to other people. I didn’t think about living my life; I was too focused on others. I was too busy reacting, rather than acting. I "
126 " I spent many years of my life not even bothering to think about what I wanted and needed, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do. Life was to be endured. I didn’t think I deserved good things. I didn’t think most good things were within my reach. I wasn’t that interested in my life, except as an appendage to other people. I didn’t think about living my life; I was too focused on others. I was too busy reacting, rather than acting. "
127 " If we think we’re inappropriate to life our communication will reflect this: We will judge others as having all the answers; feel angry, hurt, scared, guilty, needy, and controlled by other people. We will desire to control others, value pleasing others at any cost, and fear disapproval and abandonment. We will hope for everything but believe we deserve and will get nothing unless we force things to happen, and remain committed to being responsible for other people’s feelings and behavior. We’re congested with negative feelings and thoughts. No "
128 " Start by knowing that who we are is okay. Our feelings and thoughts are okay. Our opinions count. It’s okay to talk about our problems. And it’s okay to say no. "
129 " Learn the words: I feel. Let others say those words and learn to listen—not fix—when they do. We "
130 " Learn the words: I feel. Let others say those words and learn to listen—not fix—when they do. "
131 " We can tell the truth. Lying about what we think, how we feel, and what we want isn’t being polite—it’s lying. We "
132 " Some codependents become financially dependent "
133 " attraction to and tolerance for the bizarre, other-centeredness that results in abandonment of self, "
134 " We can discuss our feelings and problems without expecting people to rescue us too. We can settle for being listened to. That’s probably all we ever wanted anyway. "
135 " At least we know we’re alive if we’re reacting. At least we’ve got something to do if we’re obsessing or controlling. For "
136 " wrote codependency is “an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules—rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.”2 "
137 " As we develop our lives, set our goals, and find things to do that interest us, peace will become comfortable—more comfortable than chaos. "
138 " Our consciousness, as individuals and as a society, has been raised. We’ve realized that women have souls, and men have feelings. "
139 " we need to realize these are only expectations; they belong to us, and we’re not always boss. "
140 " The important concept here is, get started. Light a fire under yourself. "