" Guilt and shame are not useful as a way of life. Stop the “shoulds.” Become aware of when we’re punishing and torturing ourselves and make a concerted effort to tell ourselves positive messages. If we should be doing something, do it. If we’re torturing ourselves, stop it. It gets easier. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself