Home > Work > Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
61 " The months roll by like wheels on a wheelchair. Pretty soon it’ll be July. Feels like just last month it was May. "
― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
62 " Instead of a motorcycle, why not ride a custom-engineered unicorn? The unicorn could be genetically grown like corn. "
63 " Most people live life backwards. They party and kill time in their youth, when they’re strong and have the energy to accomplish great things. And then they’re older, they try to get things done, but they have less energy and enthusiasm by that time. "
64 " Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t have any money. And if I did have money, I wouldn’t pay for sex, because women would sleep with me for free. "
65 " This is a cat’s world, and man’s just allowed to share in it. "
66 " I need to take an exfoliating bath. Prepare the kittens’ tongues. "
67 " There’s a 95% chance I’ll miss out on 5%. "
68 " I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land searching for the next great American novel. If I dig deep enough, I’m sure to find it. "
69 " My printer printed off blank pages. Is my printer out of ink, or do I just have nothing to say? "
70 " I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me? "
71 " There’s too much nudity on TV, and not enough on the radio. "
72 " Gather the wheelchairs in a circle, and then summon the cripples. Would anybody care for a glass of discrimination? "
73 " As a person, I have to claim my persona as my own. If I don’t, my clone will do it for me. "
74 " I wonder if babies could be made more efficiently on a conveyer belt. "
75 " Insects have the most sex. Trust me, I peep on them through my microscope. "
76 " She yawned so loudly that I wanted to use her mouth as a putt putt golf hole. "
77 " I want to kidnap kids and force them to take useless tests all day long. Wait, that’s what our public education system already does. "
78 " Taxes and Texas—they have the same letters, but only one can go to hell. "
79 " There’s always going to be a criminal element in the population. At least as long as people believe they need politicians. "
80 " My advice is to just ignore the problem until you’re dead. This could be the quickest solution of your life. "