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Seriously delirious, but not at all serious QUOTES

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious QUOTES

1 " Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

2 " We all want to be the best at something. Trouble is, some people are only the best at being second best.
 "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

3 " Who’d cum first, you or your clone? To find out, why don’t you go fuck yourself? "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

4 " Tomorrow night I’m giving a lecture on silence and invisibility. Don’t be surprised if I don’t show up.
 "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

5 " Hoping to get a head start on the next day, I eat breakfast the night before. That way I can sleep in until two in the afternoon. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

6 " When my coffee is gone, so is my motivation. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

7 " I accept all people—even the people I find unacceptable. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

8 " The past screams louder than the future. The future is mute, but it’s not deaf. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

9 " The Chinese used gunpowder to make fireworks for celebrations, and the white man came along and said, Holy shit, we can use this to kill people. What better way to celebrate than that?
 "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

10 " I’m not a good liar, and that makes me a good liar, because liars are bad, and bad liars are good. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

11 " If you drink, you risk divulging your secrets. Here, have another glass. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

12 " I’ll insist my competitor is the greatest, so that when I beat him, I won’t be calling myself the greatest—I’ll be proving it through my actions.
 "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

13 " If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with a cat on my lap sitting in the dark. 
 "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

14 " I’m so smart that I make everyone around me smarter. I do this by being dumber than everybody.
 "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

15 " When it seems like the sky is about to collapse, relax, that’s just the roof caving in. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

16 " The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my own mortality vividly on display, in contrast to my eternally youthful memories. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

17 " No matter how bad things get, just keep looking up. Just keep looking up her skirt. Or his kilt. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

18 " A traditional doctor gets paid to push pills, vaccinate, radiate, and basically exterminate people. No different than a contract killer—except the hit man is more honest, as he doesn’t claim to be helping humanity. Holistic medicine is the only way to go. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

19 " Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

20 " I’m a logician. No matter how wrong I am, I can always convince myself I am right. "

― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious