Home > Work > Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
21 " My face and body are not my essence. My actions, ideas, and ideals are the stuff of me. My clone will have my face and body, but he won’t be me. "
― Jarod Kintz , Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
22 " One plus love equals lonely. "
23 " The task may be simple for me, but if I make it look too easy, you won’t appreciate it as much as if I pretend to struggle to help you out. "
24 " I spent about eight hours deep in thought over whether to get divorced. That may seem like a long time to ponder something, but I multitasked and slept at the same time. I woke up with an erection, and a decision. "
25 " I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too? "
26 " I have an iron deficiency. You can tell by how wrinkled my clothes are. "
27 " A miracle every day would cease to be miraculous—it would be mundane. Though even a boring sunset is still glorious. "
28 " Kindly remove your shoes from my bullshit. "
29 " In bed, I could climb in, if you ever rest. Then I could mount you like Everest. "
30 " If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream. "
31 " Things just didn’t work out between us. Who knows, another time, another place, maybe things still wouldn’t have worked out. "
32 " I put gloves on before I put gloves on, so I don’t get my gloves dirty. "
33 " I’ll wishy-wash your car. Maybe. "
34 " Not only am I not my dad’s favorite child—I’m his only child. "
35 " Do is to don’t, as go is to gon’t. Gon’t even do there. "
36 " I’m asking you not to do it. Can you do that for me? Can you do not doing it? "
37 " If you try a joke a second time and nobody laughs, don’t tell a different joke—tell different people. "
38 " I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday. "
39 " The sign said don’t do it, so naturally I did it. Signs are always saying stuff in a silent way. Writing is a way to say something in a silent way. "
40 " Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that’s how nostalgia works, right? We only remember the best of the available memories. "