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61 " We stood there in the doorway, Barack and me, staring into each other’s eyes like a couple of gunslingers ready to face off at high noon. Except it was past five o’clock, I was in my boxers, and neither of us had a six-shooter. "
― Andrew Shaffer , Hope Never Dies (Obama Biden Mysteries, #1)
62 " She hands me a security badge that says VIRGIN. How could she know that I’m a virgin? Is it that obvious? “How did you – "
― Andrew Shaffer , Fifty-one Shades: A Parody (First Three Chapters)
63 " I arrive at the Gray Holdings headquarters in downtown Seattle two hours later. The building is a ginormous 175-story office building that juts into the sky like a glass and steel erection. It’s fifteen minutes until two when I arrive – just in time for the interview. I walk through the glass doors and into the lobby, which is also floor-to-ceiling glass and steel. This fascinates me, because buildings back in Portland are made of grass and mud. "
64 " Be the change you wish to see in the world, Barack was often misquoted as having said. "
― Andrew Shaffer , Hope Rides Again (Obama Biden Mysteries, #2)
65 " Cash was great for getting people to cough up information, but alcohol was better. "
― Andrew Shaffer , The Day of the Donald: Trump Trumps America
66 " getting older sucked eggs. "
67 " We could swing by, just for a bite. I haven’t had anything since lunch. I’m so hungry I could eat the balls off a low-flying goose. "
68 " Inside a locked stall, I set the bag on the back of the toilet. There was piss all over the seat. I’d never understand how some men couldn’t aim their pistols. Half of ‘em probably had handguns at home, too—a terrifying prospect. "
69 " If we’re not out of here within ten minutes, two dozen trained killers are going to bust in here and shoot this place up like they’ve got video-game cheat codes. Am I making myself clear? "
70 " It was a joke. Sexual orientation is biological in nature, determined by your DNA, meaning it would be impossible to— "
71 " There was a nervous energy in the air. Barack’s return to his hometown—and to public life—had been slow. We’d both spent the first year out of office sitting on the sidelines, watching the news while sitting on our hands. It was like selling your house and seeing the buyer chop down every tree you’d planted. "
72 " A couple of years back, she’d switched to electronic books. Said she liked being able to adjust the size of the type, even though she missed all the shirtless men on the book covers. I could laugh along with this little joke, because I certainly didn’t feel threatened. See, your Uncle Joe had something those men would never have: a Presidential Medal of Freedom. "
73 " Trouble was, no amount of shelving would ever be enough. She worked in publishing - when she returned home and brushed her hair, books tumbled out. "
― Andrew Shaffer , Secret Santa
74 " What if you suddenly saw a two-ton great white shark barreling through the air toward your face? Such a sight defies all logic. “That’s fake,” you mumble. Your brain shorts out. Your legs won’t move. Without this book, the best you can hope for is to be killed in a dry pair of underwear. "
― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack
75 " Whoever she was, she wasn’t selling Girl Scout cookies. They only sell them January through March. "
76 " I don't understand why you get mad about this stuff, Joe. Everybody farts. "
77 " The first year after you’ve lost someone is the most painful, but the second year is excruciating in its own way. The grief fades, and it’s only on birthdays, and anniversaries, and holidays that you realize you’ve become accustomed to their absence. That you don’t think about them every day. "
78 " It was Barack Obama, clad in a white toga. He pulled me to my feet. “Thanks,” I said. “You wouldn’t believe the dream I’ve had.” “Try me.” “You came to see me one night, and said my friend had been hit by a train…and…is that a unicorn? "
79 " Martin Luther King Jr. said the moral arc of the universe was long and bent toward the side of justice. "
80 " Trump pulled his feet off the desk and invited Jimmie to follow him. “C’mon. Let’s get some exercise.” As they exited the Oval Office, they passed a Secret Service agent. “Humble is on the move,” the agent said, speaking into his wrist. “Humble is on the move. "