Home > Work > How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack QUOTES

How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack QUOTES

1 " If the food supply runs out, try trapping or hunting animals. For most people, this won't be easy. If you can't catch any animals, it's time to throw a Donner party. "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

2 " Don't needlessly draw attention to yourself. If you're twerking on the beach, a circling pteracuda could mistake you for a wounded animal. "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

3 " If it's dive-bombing you from the air, bury yourself in the sand. It might lose sight of you. Also, no one likes to eat food covered in sand. No one. "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

4 " You can survive up to three weeks without food. You can only survive for three days without water. No one knows how many days you can survive without caffeine. "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

5 " NOTE: In the rare situation a megatsunami washes a T. rex into your path, you won't be carrying a weapon large enough to hurt it. If it's intent on eating you, it will eat you. However, you will be killed by the coolest dinosaur ever. Most people go their whole lives without ever seeing a T. rex in person. Do you know how lucky you are? "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

6 " 3. When making your dramatic exit, crawl along one of the web strands that extend outward from the center. Avoid the webbing that runs in concentric circles, as it's the stickiest.
4. Once you've escaped, say something snarky to the queen, like "Sorry I couldn't stick around. "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

7 " What if you suddenly saw a two-ton great white shark barreling through the air toward your face? Such a sight defies all logic. “That’s fake,” you mumble. Your brain shorts out. Your legs won’t move. Without this book, the best you can hope for is to be killed in a dry pair of underwear. "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

8 " If the reports of cave bear attacks are proven true, however, our collective fear of bears will have been justified many times over. And one man will be there to say, in a voice saturated with snark, “I told you so.” That man’s name is Stephen Colbert. “Bears are mindless killing machines. They smell our fear. They feed on our weakness. They are public enemy number one,” Colbert has said on his nightly talk show, The Colbert Report. “I believe all God’s creatures have a soul—except bears. Bears are actually Satan’s children. "

― Andrew Shaffer , How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack