62
" Me: It will get better, right? Eventually, it will get better.
Scarlett: I’m sorry I’m not the type to lower our discourse to emoji use since you totally deserve a smiley face right now. Yes, it will get better.
Me: Ha. It’s just. Whatever. Sorry to keep whining.
Scarlett: That’s what I’m here for. BTW, that email you forwarded? My guess: TOTALLY A SECRET ADMIRER.
Me: You’ve read too many books. I’m being set up. And stop YELLING AT ME.
Scarlett: No way. I didn’t say he was a vampire. I said he was a secret admirer. Most def.
Me: Wanna take bets?
Scarlett: You should just know by now that I’m always right. It’s my one magic power.
Me: What’s mine?
Scarlett: TBD.
Me: Thanks a lot.
Scarlett: Kidding. You are strong. That’s your power, girl.
Me: My arms are v. toned from stress-eating ALL the cookies. Hand to mouth. Repeat 323 times. Hard-core workout.
Scarlett: Seriously, for a second, J? Just because you’re strong doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for help sometimes. Remember that. I’m here, ALWAYS, but you might want to take up that offer from someone local.
Me: Whatever. Ugh. Thanks, Dr. Phil. I miss you!
Scarlett: Miss you too! Go write back to SN. NOW. NOW. NOW. Now tell me the truth? Anyone at your school unusually pale? "
― Julie Buxbaum , Tell Me Three Things
76
" SN: how’s your day, Ms. Holmes?
Me: Not bad. Yours?
SN: good. been doing my homework in listicle form, because, you know, anything to make it more interesting.
Me: Do you think college will actually be better? For real?
SN: hope so. but then again, I just read about a guy who lost a ball in a frat hazing incident.
Me: Seriously? What is wrong with people?
SN: can you imagine wanting to be liked so badly that you’d give up one of your testicles?
Me: I can neither imagine having testicles nor giving one up.
SN: you won’t let me use emojis, but an ‘i heart my testes’ one would be appropriate right about now.
Me: You know what I heart? Nutella. And pajama pants. And an awesomesauce book. Not necessarily in that order, but together.
SN: awesomesauce? 2012 texted and wants its word back. btw, do you eat the Nutella right out of the jar with a spoon?
Me: Used to. Now I share a kitchen with the Others, so I can’t. Wanted to label it, but my dad said that would be rude. "
― Julie Buxbaum , Tell Me Three Things