Home > Work > The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
1 " Stress may be a natural byproduct of pursuing difficult but important goals, but that doesn’t mean every stressful moment is rich in meaning. And yet even when the stress we’re under doesn’t seem inherently meaningful, it can trigger the desire to find meaning—if not in this moment, then in the broader context of our lives. "
― Kelly McGonigal , The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
2 " [I]t can be incredibly difficult, and even threatening, to rethink a belief important enough to earn the status of mindset. [...]We usually don’t see the effect of a mindset because we are too identified with the beliefs behind it. The mindset doesn’t feel like a choice that we make; it feels like an accurate assessment of how the world works. "
3 " [T]he stress response - like stress in general - is more feared than appreciated. Most people view the stress response as a toxic state to be minimized, but the reality is not so bleak. In many ways, the stress response is your best ally during difficult moments - a resource to rely on rather than an enemy to vanquish. "
4 " Even in circumstances of great suffering, human beings have a natural capacity to find hope, exert choice, and make meaning. This is why in our own lives, the most common effects of stress include strength, growth, and resilience. "
5 " If you think that the body’s response to stress is always fight-or-flight, then the stress response begins to look like evolutionary baggage. [...] A stress response that supported only two survival strategies—throw a punch or run like hell—would truly be a mismatch for modern life. But the full picture of the human stress response turns out to be much more complex. [...] As with humans themselves, the stress response has evolved, adapting over time to better fit the world we live in now. "
6 " [A] less stressful life doesn’t make people nearly as happy as they think it will. Although most people predict they would be happier if they were less busy, the opposite turns out to be true. People are happier when they are busier, even when forced to take on more than they would choose. A dramatic decrease in busyness may explain why retirement can increase the risk of developing depression by 40 percent. "
7 " When you believe that stress is harmful, anything that feels a bit stressful can start to feel like an intrusion in your life. Whether it’s waiting in line at the grocery store, rushing to meet a deadline at work, or planning a holiday dinner for your family, everyday experiences can start to seem like a threat to your health and happiness. [...] These are normal and expected parts of life, but we treat them as if they are unreasonable impositions, keeping our lives from how they should really be. "
8 " When people are connected to their values, they are more likely to believe that they can improve their situation through effort and the support of others. That makes them more likely to take positive action and less likely to use avoidant coping strategies like procrastination or denial. They also are more likely to view the adversity they are going through as temporary, and less likely to think that the problem reveals something unalterably screwed up about themselves or their lives. "
9 " [I]f you put a wider lens on your life and subtract every day that you have experienced as stressful, you won’t find yourself with an ideal life. Instead, you’ll find yourself also subtracting the experiences that have helped you grow, the challenges you are most proud of, and the relationships that define you. You may have spared yourself some discomfort, but you will also have robbed yourself of some meaning. "
10 " Even if not every frustrating moment feels full of purpose, stress and meaning are inextricably connected in the larger context of your life. When you take this view, life doesn’t become less stressful, but it can become more meaningful. "
11 " [W]e cannot always control the stress in our lives, but we can choose our relationship to it. It acknowledges that embracing stress is an act of bravery, one that requires choosing meaning over avoiding discomfort. "
12 " People who are good at stress allow themselves to be changed by the experience of stress. They maintain a basic sense of trust in themselves and a connection to something bigger than themselves. They also find ways to make meaning out of suffering. To be good at stress is not to avoid stress, but to play an active role in how stress transforms you. "
13 " Even when anxiety really is a problem, embracing it helps. [...] Although people who have an anxiety disorder perceive their physiology as out of control, it actually isn’t. [P]eople with anxiety self-report higher physical reactivity than those without anxiety. [...] But objectively, their cardiovascular and autonomic responses look just like those of the non-anxious. Everyone experiences an increase in heart rate and adrenaline. People with anxiety disorders perceive those changes differently. [...] And they make more negative assumptions about those sensations, fearing a panic attack. But their physical response is not fundamentally different. "
14 " Stress doesn’t always make us kinder—it can also make us angry and defensive. When the fight-or-flight survival instinct kicks in, we may become aggressive or withdrawn. Importantly, the tend-and-befriend theory doesn’t say that stress always leads to caring. It simply says that stress can, and often does, make people more caring. Moreover, social connection is just as strong of a survival instinct as fighting or fleeing. "
15 " [T]he impulse to connect is both a natural response to stress and a source of resilience. When we care for others, it changes our biochemistry, activating systems of the brain that produce feelings of hope and courage. Helping others also protects against the harmful effects of even chronic or traumatic stress. "
16 " Whether you are overwhelmed by your own stress or the suffering of others, the way to find hope is to connect, not to escape. [...] In any situation where you feel powerless, doing something to support others can help you sustain your motivation and optimism. "
17 " [I]f you see yourself as part of something bigger—a team, an organization, a community, or a mission—it takes the toxicity out of striving. When your primary goal is to contribute to this “something bigger,” you still work just as hard, but the motivation driving you is different. Rather than just trying to prove that you are good enough or better than others, you view your efforts as serving a purpose greater than yourself. Instead of focusing on only your own success, you also want to support others to further the broader mission. "
18 " A bigger-than-self goal is not an objective goal, like getting a promotion, or a reward, like being praised by your boss. It is more about how you see your role within your community—what you want to contribute, and the change you want to create. "
19 " [P]eople who operate from a bigger-than-self mindset end up building strong social support networks. Paradoxically, by focusing on helping others instead of proving themselves, they become more respected and better liked than people who spend more energy trying to impress others than they do supporting them. In contrast, people who relentlessly pursue self-focused goals are more likely to be resented and rejected by others, and to experience a decline in social support over time. [...] [T]hey may succeed professionally but still feel isolated and insecure about their standing. "
20 " The link between caring and resilience suggests an intriguing possibility for how we can support those who have experienced severe stress or trauma. The best way to help these individuals, who are often labeled “at-risk,” might be to turn them from victims into heroes, and to help them help others. "
