21
" The positive feelings take a variety of forms: the affair, the addiction, the attachment to promotions, awards, or positive results, the next acquisition, the next big product launch, accolades from others. Food, sex, drugs, . . . a new Ferrari. It’s all an attempt to soothe the soul. The problem is that painkillers do not really cure the disease. They just ease the pain, temporarily and superficially making one feel better. "
― Henry Cloud , The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it
22
" The Corner Three person needs more and more, as it’s never enough.
Substances, awards, accolades, the approval of yes-men and sycophants, sexual acting out, indulgence in hobbies or materialism—they all have the power to make us feel good . . . for a minute. Then, we need another fix. Another good report. Another record quarter or sales number. The old problems remain, and we need one more dose. It never can really do the trick. "
― Henry Cloud , The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it
25
" I have never seen great performers who felt themselves to be out of control of their own performance, emotions, direction, purpose, decisions, beliefs, choices, or any other human faculties. They don’t blame others or external factors. The greats are not like lesser performers, who try to explain away their failure as being somehow caused, forced, or controlled by someone else. "
― Henry Cloud , The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it
31
" Good coaches have been doing this for ages. Now we know from brain science why. Our neural wiring and circuitry are built in the context of encouragement and positive emotions. Research on goal setting offers a number of important lessons when it comes to building Corner Four challenges. We know, for instance, that the goals we set for ourselves and others must be challenging enough to activate our energy and our brains, but they also must be realistic and achievable.
It’s also important that the difficulties of achieving these goals be spelled out and addressed. Blind positive thinking, the research shows us, does not work, because when obliviously positive thinkers encounter difficulties, they get discouraged and bottom out. Corner Four people not only help us believe that we can get there, but they also help us see that it is really, really going to be a lot of work, with lots of obstacles. They make the difficulty normal. They will be there to cheer us on, but they will also be there to talk us through difficult patches. "
― Henry Cloud , The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it
35
" To be sure, temperament and genetics explain some of Nicklaus’s tremendous achievement, but as we know both from research and from his own story, it was also through his relationship to his father, Charlie Nicklaus, that he developed a sense of ownership and accountability. When Jack said, “Dad, it’s my game,” that comment came out of their Corner Four relationship, in which his father was his fuel and his support. But his father also respected Jack’s sense of ownership and self-control. Charlie Nicklaus supported him from the days of playing junior golf up until the pros. He encouraged him, provided a coach for him, and gave him input, discipline, and much more. But he also gave him something huge that all Corner Four relationships give us: autonomy and responsibility. The balance between support and autonomy were there all along. As a psychologist, I can tell you that this balance helped develop the self-control that hit that 1-iron and helped him own the results he got in every other tournament he played. "
― Henry Cloud , The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it