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1 " You aren't alive if you aren't in need. "
― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
2 " This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable. "
3 " Learning to accept powerlessness has profound spiritual implications for your child. When we accept the reality of our human condition -- that we are ultimately powerless to change our fallen state, yet totally responsible for being in it -- we are driven to receive God's solution based on his Son's payment of a debt we can't pay. "
― Henry Cloud
4 " Clarity leads to attention and attention leads to results. "
― Henry Cloud , Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge
5 " When leaders lead in ways that people’s brains can follow, good results follow as well. "
6 " As a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: What you create and What you allow. "
7 " For love to work, each spouse has to realize his or her freedom. And boundaries help define the freedom we have and the freedom we do not have. Marriage is not slavery. It is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom. Each partner is free from the other and therefore free to love the other. Where there is control, or perception of control, there is not love. Love only exists where there is freedom. "
― Henry Cloud , Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships
8 " Certainly, child rearing requires many different interventions. There are times for helping, for not getting involved, or for being strict, But the real issue is this: Is what you are going being done on purpose? Or are you doing it from reasons that you do not think about, such as your own personality, childhood, need of the moment, or fears? "
9 " We grow in part by confessing our faults and weaknesses to each other (James 5:16; Eccl. 4:10). If we are always being strong and without needs, we are not growing, and we are setting ourselves up for a very dangerous fall. "
10 " You get what you tolerate. "
11 " Many people will not be honest because they fear loss of intimacy and togetherness. In reality, honesty brings people closer together, for it will strengthen their identities. The more you realize your separate identities, the closer you can become. Telling loved ones what is really on your mind and telling others what you really think is the foundation of love. "
― Henry Cloud , Changes That Heal: The Four Shifts That Make Everything Better…And That Anyone Can Do
12 " It's important to understand that your no is always subject to you. You own your boundaries. They don't own you. If you set limits with someone, and she responds maturely and lovingly, you can renegotiate the boundary. In addition, you can change the boundary if you are in a safer place. "
― Henry Cloud , Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
13 " Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship. "
14 " To forgive someone means to let him off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge you want, it keeps you tied to him forever. "
15 " Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls. "
― Henry Cloud , Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality
16 " When a person travels through a few years with an organization, or with a partnership, or any other kind of working association, he leaves a 'wake' behind in these two areas, task and relationship: what did he accomplish and how did he deal with people? "
17 " Who a person is will ultimately determine if their brains, talents, competencies, energy, effort, deal-making abilities, and opportunities will succeed. "
18 " If we demand perfection from ourselves we are not living in the real world...The inherent problem in the relationship between the ideal & the real is that the ideal judges the real as unacceptable and brings down condemnation and wrath on the real. This sets up an adversarial relationship between the two and like all adversaries, they move further and further apart. "
19 " Denial of one's need for others is the most common type of defense against bonding. If people come from a situation, whether growing up or later in life, where good, safe relationships were not available to them, they learn to deny that they even want them. Why want what you can't have? They slowly get rid of their awareness of the need. "
20 " We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change. "
