The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes QUOTES

1 " The assistant stayed away from the job—withdrew her cooperation—until the boss came to his senses and accepted her No to bullying (which was actually a Yes to respect). "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

2 " Whether you attack or yield, you are reacting. You are off track, no longer focused on the prize—the protection of your core interests and needs. Yielding rewards the other’s abusive behavior, and counterattacking reinforces it. In either case, you interrupt the other’s process of accepting our No. The choice is yours. The moment you react to the other’s reaction, you are initiating an action-reaction cycle that can go on forever. The alternative is not to react but rather to stay true to your underlying Yes. Keep your focus on what matters to you. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

3 " If you are refusing an alcoholic drink, for instance, you don’t need to justify your refusal. A simple respectful “No thanks” will do. You know your Yes—that is essential—but sometimes you keep it to yourself, because it is your business and not theirs. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

4 " Most attackers are looking for easy victims. They’re not looking for a fight, not even a verbal one. Saying No makes you a less attractive target. Submitting and being nice to attackers in the hope that they will be nice to you in return is not the safest strategy.” Saying “No!” helps you gather your energy, reminds you of your right to say No, draws attention, and expresses your power. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

5 " By pausing, if only for a few seconds and taking a few slow, deep breaths, we can begin to slow down our heart rate and relax our tensed muscles. We can then focus more effectively on what response will best advance our interests. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

6 " Acknowledge the truth of the difficulties, thank the person, and focus on a positive future. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

7 " You need confidence to stand up for yourself in the face of the other’s reaction. You need power to be able to follow through on your No if the other refuses to respect it. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

8 " Interestingly, No can attract more help if you are being attacked than even the word help. So say the trainers at Impact Bay Area, the organization that trains women in self-defense. Shouting “No!” attracts the attention of others naturally and recruits any help that may be available in earshot. Equally important, the trainers say, “saying No is a way for you to communicate with yourself. It forces you to breathe, which breaks the freeze response. It gathers your energy. It gets your adrenaline going. It reminds you of the [self-defense] class, your muscle memory, the support of the line [your peers], and the fact that you have the right to fight for your own safety. Most attackers are looking for easy victims. They’re not looking for a fight, not even a verbal one. Saying No makes you a less attractive target. Submitting and being nice to attackers in the hope that they will be nice to you in return is not the safest strategy.” Saying “No!” helps you gather your energy, reminds you of your right to say No, draws attention, and expresses your power. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

9 " In the workplace, managers and leaders who knew how to say No would do a much better job of keeping their organizations strategically focused. People in departments such as finance and human resources who regularly have to say No to internal clients would be able to contribute more effectively to the organization’s success. People in sales would know when and how to say No to customers—and would feel supported in doing so. And everyone would be more empowered to create a healthier balance between work and personal life. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

10 " Saying No is a way for you to communicate with yourself. It forces you to breathe, which breaks the freeze response. It gathers your energy. It gets your adrenaline going. It reminds you of the [self-defense] class, your muscle memory, the support of the line [your peers], and the fact that you have the right to fight for your own safety. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

11 " As Gandhi recognized and demonstrated, perhaps the chief positive power we have in a world of relationships is the ability to withdraw our cooperation if the other refuses to respect our legitimate interests. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

12 " By refusing to respect you and your needs, the other is bringing about a certain set of natural consequences, which themselves can become the other’s teacher. Your job is to simply facilitate the learning process, beginning by asking reality-testing questions, and proceeding to warnings. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

13 " Your Plan B may seem like an imposed consequence since it is you who are the key actor. But remember what your Plan B is—your best alternative should the other refuse to respect your interests. It is not a punishment for the other, but simply the logical path for you to follow in pursuit of your legitimate needs. It is an alternative path to success. Let your Plan B speak for itself. Through your quiet tone and confidence, let the other know you are serious about carrying out your Plan B with its attendant logical consequences. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

14 " If you open a door, however, as Diane Nash did with her persistent questions, you offer the other a way out and all your power can be deployed in persuading them to take it. In short, rather than working to frustrate the other, focus on redirecting their attention to a positive outcome. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

15 " Take Away Their Stick If the other’s reaction to our No is to hurt or threaten us, our first instinct may be to hurt them back. A more effective strategy, however, is to neutralize the impact of their behavior. If, as in the story of the Zen master, they are threatening to hit you with a stick, don’t hit them back; just take away the stick. In other words, don’t attack the other, but simply remove their ability to attack you. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

16 " Effective negotiation requires a persistent focus on what is most important. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

17 " Take a deep breath and focus on your purpose—your Yes—in this situation. Ask yourself what you really want and what is really important here. In other words, shift from being reactive and focused on No, to being proactive and focused on Yes. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

18 " If the other refuses to respect your No, you may see only two choices: submission and outright war. Yet there is a third choice, highlighted by Gandhi: to underscore your Positive No. Don’t overreact, underscore. To underscore means to emphasize patiently and persistently that No in fact means No. It means continuing to stand up for what is important to you without destroying the possibility of a deal or a healthy relationship. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

19 " Instead of attacking, focused on taking away the stick. "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

20 " She began the conversation with Tom by acknowledging his work and then focused on the problem at hand, sticking strictly to the facts: "

― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes