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21 " When you say that you have a policy, you are signaling that your No is not a one-time message but an ongoing practice to which you have given a lot of thought. It is a signal of resolve, a sign that you will not budge. "
― William Ury , The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes
22 " When you say that you have a policy, you are signaling that your No is not a one-time message but an ongoing practice to which you have given a lot of thought. It is a signal of resolve, a sign that you will not budge. Of course, this phrase is not to be used lightly or misleadingly as a rigid adversarial position; it works when it is indeed your policy, something you have thought through. "
23 " You can empathize without sympathizing. "
24 " Instead of telling your friend, “I’m not going with you to the game,” say, “I’ll catch you after the game.” In other words, put your focus on the positive while creating the boundary you need. "
25 " Your repetition can be intentional. You can use the same anchor phrase freshly each time, renewed by focusing on your underlying intention— the deeper Yes that lies within you. You can also humanize the repetition with a smile or acknowledgment. "
26 " Framing your solution negatively, such as “Don’t shout at me,” tends to focus the other’s attention even more on the unwanted behavior and may unconsciously reinforce it, particularly if you are shouting back at them. It is more effective to say, quietly, “Please talk to me in a quiet tone.” Focus the other’s mind clearly on the positive action you want them to take. "
27 " The other often much prefers a clear answer, even if it is No, than continued indecision and waffling. "
28 " As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. "
29 " Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. "
30 " Thanks to the knowledge revolution, we have more information and more choices than ever before. But we also have more decisions to make and less time to make them as the pace of life picks up greater speed with each so-called labor-saving technological advance. The boundaries between home and the workplace are eroding as work reaches people by cell phone and e-mail, anywhere anytime. The rules are also eroding and the temptation to cut corners and bend ethical standards is powerful. Everywhere people are finding it hard to set and maintain boundaries. No is today’s biggest challenge. "
31 " If, however, you would like to see the behavior change, it is more effective not to attack the person outright but to focus hard on the problematic behavior. "
32 " A behavioral proposal focuses on what you’d like the other to do, not on who you’d like the other to be. "
33 " The son changed the focus from the negative (“Sell the house”) to the positive (“Try this new arrangement for six weeks”). In other words, don’t just tell the other to stop doing something you don’t want; ask them to start doing something you do want. "