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81 " People say Americans like coming to England to see the old stuff ’cos they haven’t got any old things in their own country, but they would if they stopped crushing it or blowing shit up. "
― Karl Pilkington , The Further Adventures of An Idiot Abroad
82 " phlegm. "
― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington
83 " It’s no coincidence that the women who spray perfume all over themselves are always the ones with an orange tan too. I put it down to the fact that all the CFC gases they pump out burn up the ozone above their heads, so the sun tans them the most. Obvious, innit. "
― Karl Pilkington , The Moaning of Life: The Worldly Wisdom of Karl Pilkington
84 " Vanuatu has over 100 languages in use among the 230,000 population. I don’t know how a place can run like this. Surely a lot of people have to speak a certain language for it to qualify as one. "
85 " Some examples for you: ‘Mi wantem’ is ‘I would like’. ‘Mi wantem’ sounds like ‘Me want them’, which equals ‘I would like’. ‘Bitwin’ is ‘between’. ‘Bisnis’ is ‘business’. By now you’ve probably got the hang of it, so I don’t have to tell you what ‘Gud moning’ means. If you’re still struggling you’re a ‘dik ed’. "
86 " car designers still haven’t sorted this problem. They still install cigarette lighters, even though most smokers carry a lighter, and glove compartments – glove compartments! Why is there an area reserved for gloves? It just helps impulsive murderers, doesn’t it? Electric windows are all very nice but hardly necessary. And yet no one has thought about emptying the bladder. "
87 " The best thing about me is probably my eyes, but then I suppose my eyes would think that, as it’s them that are looking at them. "
88 " I bought an Apple iPad and it was out of date sooner than a real apple would have been. We "
89 " I was still getting my head round the fact that carrot juice existed, "
90 " Everywhere we walked we got plenty of attention due to the camera and sound men. The locals love to get on camera. I walked down the street feeling like the Pied Piper. At "
91 " I must have had about 30 to 40 people surrounding me. I’d seen footage of Gandhi surrounded like this and always thought it was because he was very popular, but now I wonder if it was just because he had a camera crew with him. "
92 " I stopped listening to Justin. I don’t think he likes to leave anything as nature intended. He’d iron out the lump on a camel’s back and get a pelican to have its throat lifted. "
93 " the bus was running late, but in truth this was no surprise. Delhi probably got its name from the word ‘delay’. "
94 " Before we left, Seija asked if I felt any cosmic powers. I wanted to say yes, but I hadn’t, so I decided to be honest with her. She seemed disappointed by this news. "
95 " Neighbourhood Watch to me is checking my neighbours aren’t outside their house before I leave the flat, to avoid getting into long discussions. "
96 " surgeons had been able to keep a heart beating even though it wasn’t connected to a body. I thought this was a waste of heartbeats and energy. It’s like going out and leaving the TV on. We’re constantly being told to save energy, and yet surgeons are leaving hearts pumping. "
― Karl Pilkington , Karlology
97 " Whether it’s a relationship or a toaster that’s broken, they just replace it. You’re bound to fall out and have arguments and you should work at getting the relationship back together, but nobody wants to any more. "
98 " I suppose that’s what I find odd about arranged marriages: not that they exist, but the fact that they exist in India, a place where it seems nothing is properly arranged. "
99 " exfoliating "
100 " We always interfere with nature. I think if tennis players continue to wear headbands they will end up killing off eyebrows, as they’re there to catch sweat. "