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An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington QUOTES

An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington QUOTES

1 " The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

2 " I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

3 " She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected? "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

4 " I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

5 " I was woken early and had breakfast with the guru. We had some spicy Rice Krispies and a spicy biscuit with some really sweet, milky tea. Not the way I normally like it, but I drank it anyway as I didn’t want to offend him. I suppose that is my heart telling me how to act instead of my head again. My arse may get involved later though. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

6 " It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

7 " I don't really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a surprise for me. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

8 " I told her that I can't be doing with the Wonder part of these trips, but she said it should be the icing on the cake... I've never liked wedding cake due to the amount of icing, but then imagine a wedding cake without it; just a dark, stodgy, horrible dry sponge. The icing covers up the mess, and that's how I feel about most of the Wonders. They use them to get people to visit a place that you probably wouldn't think about visiting. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

9 " I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

10 " Everywhere we walked we got plenty of attention due to the camera and sound men. The locals love to get on camera. [...] I'd seen footage of Gandhi surrounded like this and always thought it was because he was very popular, but now I wonder if it was just because he had a camera crew with him. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

11 " A block of blood should not have the word "cake" after it...they might as well say "shite gateau "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

12 " I always have a problem liking things that I'm told I should like. This has been the problem with most of the Wonders I have seen so far. The fact that this one is called the 'Great' Wall of China annoys me. I'll decide if it's great or not. It might end up being the 'All Right Wall of China' to me. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

13 " I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

14 " They do it in Thai restaurants in London. You ask for a drink, and it comes in a glass with loads of seaweed and pebbles in it like a scene from Finding Nemo. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

15 " There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

16 " This is the problem with over-crowded inner-city schools there aren't enough parts for everyone in the nativity story. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

17 " I've never been touched by such an old man. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

18 " A while back I heard bears have to stick leaves up their arse to stop ants crawling up there and biting them! I know the world is getting overpopulated but it isn’t that crowded that things have to live up an arse. No wonder Paddington Bear left Peru for London. When you’ve got bears wanting to leave the country it makes me wonder what I’m doing here. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

19 " One of my wisdom teeth is playing up. My dentist said it is known to happen with some people when they’re stressed. My teeth seem to know I’m stressed before I do. Maybe that’s why they’re called wisdom teeth. "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

20 " The only memory I have was how the wrestler’s balls that were thrust into my face left a saltiness on my lips. At first I assumed it was from the tacos, and then I realised I’d not eaten any today. I "

― Karl Pilkington , An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington