Home > Author > Ambrose Bierce
1 " Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. "
― Ambrose Bierce , The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
2 " Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. "
3 " You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. "
― Ambrose Bierce
4 " The covers of this book are too far apart. "
5 " Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. "
6 " All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. "
― Ambrose Bierce , The Collected Writings Of Ambrose Bierce
7 " In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. "
8 " Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. "
9 " HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers. "
10 " Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work. "
11 " NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi. "
12 " EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew. The modern metallic burial casket is a step in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be ornamenting his neighbour's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility. We shall get him after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime, the violet and rose are languishing for a nibble at his gluteus maximus. "
13 " Beware of the compound adjective, beloved of the tyro and the 'poetess'. "
14 " Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. "
15 " Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. "
16 " Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably out to be. His chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada. "
17 " acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. "
18 " ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. "
19 " MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada. "
20 " diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. "
