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Melody Beattie QUOTES

Melody Beattie QUOTES

21 " Failure to follow desire, to do what you want to do most, paves the way to mediocrity. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

22 " Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

23 " ...the plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us. "

― Melody Beattie , The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency (Hazelden Meditation Series)

24 " We don’t have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth. If somebody who is important (or even someone unimportant) to you rejects you or your choices, you are still real, and you are still worth every bit as much as you would be if you had not been rejected. Feel any feelings that go with rejection; talk about your thoughts; but don’t forfeit your self-esteem to another’s disapproval or rejection of who you are or what you have done. Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay. If you have done something inappropriate or you need to solve a problem or change a behavior, then take appropriate steps to take care of yourself. But don’t reject yourself, and don’t give so much power to other people’s rejection of you. It isn’t necessary "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

25 " The lesson I was learning involved the idea that I could feel compassion for people without acting on it. "

― Melody Beattie , Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time

26 " We decided that sooner or later you had to learn to live without almost everybody, at least for a while. Even people you didn't think you could live without." p 167

love always found itself again. "

― Melody Beattie , The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency (Hazelden Meditation Series)

27 " Like it or not, i was already learning that in the worst and darkest time, I would find specks of light, moments of joy. What I didn't want to learn was the other, harsher lesson - that in life's brightest moments there would also be unbearable pain. p 87 "

― Melody Beattie , The Lessons of Love: Rediscovering Our Passion for Life When It All Seems Too Hard to Take

28 " We don’t have to take things so personally. We take things to heart that we have no business taking to heart. For instance, saying “If you loved me you wouldn’t drink” to an alcoholic makes as much sense as saying “If you loved me, you wouldn’t cough” to someone who has pneumonia. Pneumonia victims will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. Alcoholics will drink until they get the same. When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don’t love you—they are saying they don’t love themselves. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

29 " I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts. All we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn. "

― Melody Beattie

30 " ...the pain that comes from loving someone who's in trouble can be profound. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

31 " I know when to say no and when to say yes. I take responsibility for my choices. The victim? She went somewhere else. The only one who can truly victimize me is myself, and 99 percent of the time I choose to do that no more. But I need to continue to remember the key principles: boundaries, letting go, forgiveness after feeling my feelings—not before, self-expression, loving others but loving myself, too. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

32 " Many codependents, at some time in their lives, were true victims—of someone’s abuse, neglect, abandonment, alcoholism, or any number of situations that can victimize people. We were, at some time, truly helpless to protect ourselves or solve our problems. Something came our way, something we didn’t ask for, and it hurt us terribly. That is sad, truly sad. But an even sadder fact is that many of us codependents began to see ourselves as victims. Our painful history repeats itself. As caretakers, we allow people to victimize us, and we participate in our victimization by perpetually rescuing people. Rescuing or caretaking is not an act of love. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

33 " other people maay be there to help us, teach us, guide us aolng our path, But the lesson to be learned is always ours "

― Melody Beattie

34 " We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

35 " The formula is simple: In any given situation, detach and ask, “What do I need to do to take care of myself? "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

36 " We don’t have to take other people’s behaviors as reflections of our self-worth. We don’t have to be embarrassed if someone we love chooses to behave inappropriately. It’s normal to react that way, but we don’t have to continue to feel embarrassed and less than if someone else continues to behave inappropriately. Each person is responsible for his or her behavior. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

37 " Codependents make great employees. They don’t complain; they do more than their share; they do whatever is asked of them; they please people; and they try to do their work perfectly—at least for a while, until they become angry and resentful. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

38 " Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries. Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We’ll set a limit when we’re ready, and not a moment before. So will others. There’s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we’re controlling others, but because we’ve changed. "

― Melody Beattie , The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency (Hazelden Meditation Series)

39 " Many of the people I’ve worked with in family groups have been that obsessed with people they care about. When I asked them what they were feeling, they told me what the other person was feeling. When I asked what they did, they told me what the other person had done. Their entire focus was on someone or something other than themselves. Some of them had spent years of their lives doing this—worrying about, reacting to, and trying to control other human beings. They were shells, sometimes almost invisible shells, of people. Their energy was depleted—directed at someone else. They couldn’t tell me what they were feeling and thinking because they didn’t know. Their focus was not on themselves. "

― Melody Beattie , Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

40 " I didn't have to scramble up and down the ladder from despair to euphoria anymore, trying to convince myself that life was either painful and terrible or joyous and wonderful. The simple truth was that life was both. p 214 "

― Melody Beattie , The Lessons of Love: Rediscovering Our Passion for Life When It All Seems Too Hard to Take