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1 " When kindness comes at the expense of truth, it is not a kindness worth having. And when generosity leads to silence or abuse, it is not a generosity worth giving. "
― Rachel Simmons , The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence
2 " There is no gesture more devastating than the back turning away. "
― Rachel Simmons , Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
3 " When kindness comes at the expense of truth, it is not a kindness worth having. "
4 " Many of the most accomplished girls are disconnecting from the truest parts of themselves, sacrificing essential self-knowledge to the pressure of who they think they ought to be. "
5 " Shame is a virus that creates paralysis in its hosts. When you're busy telling yourself what a bad person you are, you expend most of your energy obsessing over your self- not what you may have done wrong, not what you can do to fix it. For this reason, shame creates a moat around girls' potential. It limits their ability or willingness to face challenges. It makes them want to be alone, isolating them from friends, their most important buffer against stress. Shame is therefore a major threat to girls' resilience. "
6 " Hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me. "
― Rachel Simmons , Odd Girl Speaks Out: Girls Write about Bullies, Cliques, Popularity, and Jealousy
7 " Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people stay for a while, and give us a deeper understanding of what is truly important in this life. They touch our souls. We gain strength from the footprints they have left on our hearts, and we will never EVER be the same. "
8 " Girls like Caroline and Lily are constantly performing, as much for the Good Girl they think they should be as for the adults and peers who look on. They have spent their lives growing internally dependent on external rewards: pats on the back A's, club presidencies, Most Valuable Player trophies. They become more concerned with how they appear and should be than who they are What other think and feel replaces what is true for them. "
9 " Be yourself and you will find, who minds doesn't matter and who matters won't mind. "
10 " Girls may try to avoid being alone at all costs, including remaining in an abusive friendship. "
11 " Parents are satisfied only if their children are gifted or exceptional (or diagnosed with a treatable problem that the right pill cocktail can restore to excellence). "
12 " ... Should I go to graduate school? What if I made the wrong choice? These questions arise not because there is no pat but because we expect there to be a single one. Uncertainty should invite curiosity and reflection, but instead it generates fear.Learn to accept uncertainty as an important step to true self-discovery. To start finding your path, begin listening to that inner voice. Tap into what you think and feel, what you truly care about. Don't worry about finding your passion and life's calling immediately. Those usually takes time. But do avoid becoming a passenger in your own life. "
― Rachel Simmons
13 " Perceiving a choice between her feelings and her relationships, Dana chose to be liked by others. But the self she displayed was a mask of the person she though others wanted her to be. The Curse of the Good Girl obscured and shamed the most important parts of who she was. "
14 " ...with her self-esteem perilously balanced on her excellence, she could only interpret failure as catastrophic. Lilly shamed herself when she made a mistake, becoming upset not only about her performance but about who she was as a human being. ...She reached her heights at a steep internal price. Her Good Girl thinking forced her to walk an unforgiving line; one misstep would plummet her to the snapping jaws of failure. ...Her unreasonable expectations kept her shackled to failure, preventing her from shaking off a mistake and moving forward quickly. "
15 " Although it may seem obvious to you, your daughter needs to hear you say that no one can sanely excel at everything they do, nor should they want to. Will a life in which she does everything perfectly be a happy and healthy life for her? Focus on what is sacrificed on the altar of perfection-seeking: Self-worth. Curiosity and exploration. Hobbies. Sleep. Challenge the standards being imposed on her. Let her know you reject them. "
― Rachel Simmons , Enough As She Is: How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy, and Fulfilling Lives
16 " When we invest ourselves in worrying about what other people think, we lose touch with what we stand for. By seeking others' approval and trying to be perfect at everything we do, we disconnect from our internal compass. "
17 " Many teachers, especially those in more affluent communities, believe they are treated no better than a customer-service representative at a store. "
18 " Leaning to your true feelings isn't something you're born knowing how to do. It requires practice. The great news is that these skills are like muscles, the more you use them, the stronger they get.... And trust me, the more you listen, the louder that voice will get. "
19 " Adolescents, especially girls, are most resilient when they are connected to others. "
20 " This at the very moment when a girl should explore, listen to her evolving interests, and take risks to figure out who she is. But in the Complex, she hears the opposite: Play it safe. Specialize. Trade what you love to do for what looks good and feels safe. "
