Home > Work > Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships
21 " If I can’t allow you to be a person in your own right, then I can’t empathize with you. I’ll always take your experience as meaning something about me. Or I’ll react to your feelings by thinking of myself, not you. "
― Henry Cloud , Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships
22 " Edmund Burke, “All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. "
23 " I read many years ago that Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, was asked, “How is your marriage so successful?” She replied, “Because he plays golf, and I play bridge.” Ruth Bell Graham understood the value of outside sources of life for a marriage to flourish. "
24 " Each spouse must take responsibility for the following things: Feelings Attitudes Behaviors Choices Limits Desires Thoughts Values Talents Love "
25 " The inability to accept another’s no indicates a difficulty in taking ownership of your own disappointment and sadness and a struggle in allowing others freedom. "
26 " Law #8: The Law of Envy "
27 " When you sow mistreatment of people, you should reap people’s not wanting to be around you. "
28 " And things don’t change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it. This can range from mentioning how her spouse’s behavior hurts her feelings, all the way to setting a limit on the behavior. "
29 " a spouse is taking a part of his heart away from his mate and bringing it to an outside source. This is not only painful, but also unjust. It works against what God intended to develop in marriage—the mysterious unity that brings the couple closer to each other in ever-deepening ways. Triangulation betrays trust and fractures the union. "
30 " learning principles helps more than learning techniques. "
31 " God created us free. He gave us responsibility for our freedom. And as responsible free agents, we are told to love him and each other. This emphasis runs throughout the whole Bible. When we do these three things—live free, take responsibility for our own freedom, and love God and each other—then life, including marriage, can be an Eden experience. "
32 " Remember, where there is no freedom, there is slavery, and where there is slavery, there will be rebellion. Also, where there is no responsibility, there is bondage. Where we do not take ownership and do what we are supposed to do with our own stuff, we will be stuck at a certain level of relationship, and we will not be able to go deeper. "
33 " If we are not being truthful with each other, our real relationship goes into hiding. Then, instead of one real relationship, we have two relationships: the outside relationship, which is false; and the inside, hidden relationship, which is true. Intimacy is lost, and so is love. Love and truth must exist together. "
34 " The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it” (Proverbs 27:12). "
35 " In this book we will help you become better defined, more free and responsible, and more in a position to love and be loved. This is the high calling God created marriage to be. "
36 " We have no power over the attitudes and actions of other people. We can’t make our spouse grow up. We can’t stop our spouse from exhibiting a troublesome habit or character flaw. We can’t force our spouse to come home on time for dinner, to refrain from yelling at us, or to initiate conversations with us. The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, not other-control (Galatians 5:23). God himself does not exercise such power over us, even though he could (2 Peter 3:9). "
37 " Instead of doing what many compliant people do when they wake up and find themselves lost, she didn’t leave the relationship “to find herself. "
38 " So don’t look at this book as a way to make someone else grow up. It is more about taking ownership of your own life so that you are protected and you can love and protect your spouse without enabling or rescuing him or her. "
39 " Many other scenes came to her mind, but that phrase—“for him”—seemed to encapsulate all of them: Their relationship was more “for him” than it was “for them,” or even “for her. "
40 " Active people make lots of mistakes, and wise ones grow from them (Hebrews 5:14). They try something, experience a limit, and adapt. They experience the depth of God’s forgiveness because they do things for which they need to be forgiven. Passive people have trouble learning because they are afraid to take risks. Because of this, they also have a harder time taking charge of their lives and boundaries. God is not pleased with those who “shrink back” in passivity (Hebrews 10:38). He wants his people to participate in life with him, not wait on the sidelines. "