Home > Work > Getting to Yes with Yourself: (and Other Worthy Opponents)
41 " If our life is a play, we may not be the playwright, but we can choose to be the director. We can interpret the play as we choose, able to portray ourselves either as victims of destiny or as the captains of our fate. Whether what happens to us is pure accident or not, we are the decisive factor in our life: we may not always be able to choose our circumstances, but we are able to choose our responses to them. "
― William Ury , Getting to Yes with Yourself: (and Other Worthy Opponents)
42 " Feelings of dissatisfaction are the language that your needs use to communicate with you. "
43 " The lesson . . . ,” Gilbert says, “is that our longings and our worries are both to some degree overblown because we have within us the capacity to manufacture the very commodity we are constantly chasing.” As Gilbert’s research suggests, we may think that happiness is something to be pursued outside us, but it is actually something that we make inside. "
44 " If we don’t let go of our resentment and regret, we become prisoners of the past. "
45 " In my negotiation experience, I’ve long noticed that the cheapest concession you can make, the one that costs you the least and yields the most, is to give respect. "
46 " The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. "
47 " He who lives not in time, but in the present, is happy. —LUDWIG VON WITTGENSTEIN "
48 " How can we get what we truly want while satisfying the needs and concerns of others in our lives—family members, work colleagues, clients, and others? "
49 " 1. Put Yourself in Your Shoes. Can you notice the inner critic at work—and simply observe your thoughts and feelings without judging? What underlying needs do your feelings point to? What do you really need? 2. Develop Your Inner BATNA. Are you blaming anyone or anything for your needs not being met? What benefit does this blame provide you—and what are the costs? Can you commit to take care of your deepest needs no matter what? "
50 " 3. Reframe Your Picture. Do you feel like life is in some way against you? How can you make your own happiness today? If life is challenging, can you nonetheless choose to say yes to it, just the way it is? 4. Stay in the Zone. Are you carrying any resentments about the past or anxieties about the future? What will it take to let go and accept life as it is today? What is one small step you can take to stay in the zone, where you are at your best? "
51 " 5. Respect Them Even If. Are you feeling any antagonism toward anyone? What is it like to be in their shoes? Even if they are not showing you respect, can you still respect them? 6. Give and Receive. Do you feel a fear of scarcity in any situation you are currently facing? What will it take for you to change the game from taking to giving, from win-lose to win-win-win? "
52 " Know thyself? If I knew myself, I’d run away. —JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE "
53 " have found that this journey from no to yes with myself is not a single trip, but ultimately a lifelong journey. I have been on this journey for a long time and expect to be on it for as long as I live. "
54 " Michel de Montaigne noted four centuries ago: “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened. "
55 " Winston Churchill once quipped, “The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” He "
56 " 3A trap”: we attack, we accommodate (in other words, give in), or we avoid altogether, "
57 " If there is a single lesson I have learned, it is this: in life, we are destined to lose many things. That is the nature of life. Never mind. Just don’t lose the present. Nothing is worth it. There is nothing more important than “this,” the fullness of life right now. "
58 " We can make a strong unconditional commitment to ourselves to take care of our deepest needs, no matter what other people do or don’t do. "
59 " Our ability to relax and let life flow naturally depends on how solidly anchored we feel in a friendly world. If we can reframe our picture of life and find satisfaction from within, then we will be more willing to let go of our resentments about the past and our anxieties about the future. Reframing allows us to relax and to accept life just as it is. "
60 " He drew a circle that shut me out— Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in! —EDWIN MARKHAM "