Home > Work > Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions
181 " her to question language. Language is the repository of our prejudices, our beliefs, our assumptions. But to teach her that, you will have to question your own language. A friend of mine says she will never call her daughter “princess.” People mean well when they say this, but “princess” is loaded with assumptions, of a girl’s delicacy, of the prince who will come to save her, etc. This friend prefers “angel” and “star. "
― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie , Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions
182 " what you say to your child matters. It teaches her what she should value. "
183 " you’ll know when the child-care work is equally shared. You’ll know by your lack of resentment. "
184 " social norms are created by human beings, and there is no social norm that cannot be changed. "
185 " her to reject likeability. Her job is not to make herself likeable, her job is to be her full self, a self that is honest and aware of the equal humanity of other people. "
186 " We teach girls to be likeable, to be nice, to be false. And we do not teach boys the same. This is dangerous. Many sexual predators have capitalized on this. Many girls remain silent when abused because they want to be nice. "
187 " Instead of letting her internalize the idea of gender roles, teach her self-reliance. Tell her that it is important to be able to do for herself and fend for herself. Teach her to try to fix physical things when they break. We are quick to assume girls can’t do many things. Let her try. She might not fully succeed, but let her try. "
188 " Teach her to reject likeability. Her job is not to make herself likeable, her job is to be her full self, "
189 " Encourage her to speak her mind, to say what she really thinks, to speak truthfully. And then praise her when she does. Praise her especially when she takes a stand that is difficult or unpopular because it happens to be her honest position. "
190 " Never apologize for working. You love what you do, and loving what you do is a great gift to give your child.’I find this to be so wise and moving. You don’t even have to love your job; you can merely love what your job does for you – the confidence and self-fulfilment that come with doing and earning. "
191 " Never, ever link Chizalum’s appearance with morality. Never tell her that a short skirt is “immoral.” Make dressing a question of taste and attractiveness instead of a question of morality. "
192 " It’s not enough to say you want to raise a daughter who can tell you anything; you have to give her the language to talk to you. "
193 " She must know and understand that people walk different paths in the world, and that as long as those paths do no harm to others, they are valid paths that she must respect. Teach her that we do not know—we cannot know—everything about life. Both religion and science have spaces for the things we do not know, and it is enough to make peace with that. "
194 " But remember that you might do all the things I suggest, and she will still turn out to be different from what you hoped, because sometimes life just does its thing. What matters is that you try. And always trust your instincts above all else, because you will be guided by your love for your child. "
195 " Teach her that her standards are for her alone, and not for other people. "
196 " Tell her that some people are gay, and some are not. A little child has two daddies or two mommies because some people just do. Tell her that some people go to mosque and others go to church and others go to different places of worship and still others don’t worship at all, because that is just the way it is for some people. "
197 " Sé una persona plena. La maternidad es un don maravilloso, pero no te definas únicamente por ella. "
198 " Language is the repository of our prejudices, our beliefs, our assumptions. "
199 " Enséñale que sus principios son solo para ella, no para los demás. Existe solo una humildad necesaria: comprender que la diferencia "
200 " ...the premise of chivalry is female weakness. "