Home > Work > No Hope for Gomez!
1 " Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors. "
― Graham Parke , No Hope for Gomez!
2 " The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker. "
3 " We played for about half an hour before I realized we were actually playing two different games. What I’d thought of as ludo was actually a game called gin rummy, and what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis. Once we started playing by one consistent set of rules, though, the fun was really over. "
4 " Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening. "
5 " I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg. I felt dirty and stupid. "
6 " You’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, and now you know, beyond a doubt, that you’re an asshole. "
7 " In all these years, I’ve never seen you smile so often. Are you mentally ill? "
8 " She’s funny and intelligent, well-mannered and clean, and her smile is exceedingly cute. Also, she has big tits. "
9 " I wore an elaborate disguise that made me look like a caterer from a rivaling company. "
10 " What was wrong with people these days? Couldn’t a guy have a few beers to drown a personal problem without getting caught up in a makeshift intervention? "
11 " what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis. "
12 " Some of my stuff’s so ugly, a little water damage could only help. Might "
13 " it sounds like my neighbor is stir-frying hamsters in a large enameled wok. "
14 " what was it they called you? It’s on the tip of my tongue. It was something to do with cats and large amounts of body fat… "
15 " what tipped me off was the pink nighty I was wearing and the abundance of flowers decorating my room. "
16 " Another terrible night. Neighbor was busy with his hamsters again "
17 " stating the cause of death to be completely natural and, if possible, even somewhat pleasant. "
18 " I think it’s better for customer relations if we all commit to wearing matching socks, "
19 " I’d urge you to stay away from any and all martial arts practitioners for the time being. "
20 " My dad gave her the finger, went down to town hall, and took the name of the person in line ahead of him. He wasn’t aware he’d overheard a last name. "
