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Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond! QUOTES

Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond! QUOTES

1 " The scarcity mindset in dating often goes hand in hand with the sunk cost fallacy. The sunk cost fallacy says that it is bad to lose something we have invested time, money, energy or emotions into, regardless of whether that something is still actually doing anything for you. Humans are highly risk averse creatures, so we tend to prefer NOT losing something over potentially gaining something, even if we don't like what we would lose. "

― , Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!

2 " We live in a culture that teaches us that "men" are the sexual aggressors and pursuers. We also live in a world where most women, trans, and non-binary folks have had negative experiences with men who are hitting on them. These factors tend to lead to some big gender differences for those exploring non-monogamy.

Cisgender men often struggle when they first enter the world of non-monogamy. Within consensual non-monogamy (CNM) communities, most folks who sleep with cis men choose their partners based on referrals and endorsements. As in the world of business, it truly is who you know. Cis men who have been in the communities longer have dated and interacted with more people, and, therefore, have more word of mouth. It is an unfortunate reality that many, especially cisgender women, will not date men they don't already know about through their friends and communities.

So, if you're a cis man exploring CNM, expect that it may take a while before you start seeing the kind of attention that others get. Focus on being kind, respectful, and honest. Respect the needs and boundaries of everyone with whom you interact. Spend lots of time getting to know other people simply as people - especially of your preferred gender to date - and form genuine friendships and connections with them free from any pressure to become sexual. "

― , Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!

3 " Shame is often related to the just world belief, that good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. And while it makes sense that parents and schools and religious institutions would want to teach us that good things come to us when we're good and bad things will happen if we're bad, this belief bears little resemblance to the real world. Most of us are not "good" people or "bad people," we are flawed, complex beings struggling to do the best we can in a complicated, messy world. "

― , Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!

4 " ...have you ever been out with someone who told you yes, but you could tell they were a no? Didn't you wish they had just told you no instead? Our no is a way of showing love for ourselves and others. We tale care of ourselves by saying no when we mean it, freeing ourselves up to find something we're a yes to. For others, we free them up to find someone who is as big a yes to that activity as they are. No one wants a reluctant partner! "

― , Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!

5 " Some folks say that consent is sexy, but really it's more that consent is the absolute bare minimum for things not to be terrible. (I mean, you wouldn't say that the reason a restaurant has amazing food is because the chefs wash their hands after they go to the bathroom.) "

― , Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!