Home > Work > Rewriting My Happily Ever After - A Memoir of Divorce and Discovery
21 " For the time being, I had a good job, a supportive boss, and some measure of stability—and I could breathe again. What I needed to learn next was how to live with the ambiguity of the future. I had to decide how to release my parents to get on with their lives while I also got on with mine, with or without their reassuring presence. "
― Ranjani Rao , Rewriting My Happily Ever After - A Memoir of Divorce and Discovery
22 " People hesitate to ask for money when they need it, but money exchange is just a cold transaction between people, one that can be given and taken back. Touch, on the other hand, is a warm offering of generosity whose value lies in knowing that it can never be returned, at least not in the same way. "
23 " The journal was proof of my process, a catalyst for transformation and a witness to my metamorphosis. "
24 " Change happens as it inevitably does. "
25 " Breaking one bond was not the end; it was the beginning. It wasn’t a thread that had snapped. The entire net of relationships built on the assumption of “ever after” had collapsed. As I kept falling down an abyss, it was not my life that flashed in front of me but an enactment of all my fears. "
26 " Every day I used my power of concentration, indulged my pleasure in lifelong learning, and kept up my hope that this credential would further bolster my expertise. Stepping into each day with this focus turned my attitude from despair to anticipation. "
27 " For all my talk of emancipation, I had fallen into the trap of caring deeply about “what will people say,” having internalized the cultural taboo of divorce. "
28 " Who knows what goes on in a marriage? Even my parents, who had a compatible marriage, had their points of contention. They had figured out how to disagree and how to find common ground. "
29 " Basic gardening knowledge tells us that plants located adjacent to each other in the same soil, with similar exposure to sunlight and equal access to water and nourishment may grow at different rates and in different ways. My siblings and I were very different—in personality and temperament, in our views and opinions, and in our dreams and ambitions for the future. How could I be expected to evolve at the same pace and in the same direction as a stranger with whom I had tried (and failed) to build a mutually enabling relationship? "
30 " The thing about marriages, bad ones especially, is the utter disregard with which the couple and those around them treat the cracks when they first emerge. Like tectonic plates that crush and grind against each other under the surface of the earth, the damage does not happen on one sunny morning when the earthquake hits. When a couple splits, it is the result of an inevitable break that has been brewing for years without respite. "
31 " Nothing was permanent, even discontentment. "
32 " Meditation didn’t work any miracles. Miracles happen in an instant of faith. The skeptic in me demanded proof. "
33 " Life was incomprehensible. I could no longer say with certainty that one event, one person, or one place would make me happy. "
34 " My writing time had been my personal oasis. A small respite each night, a private space to muse and vent. It was a restorative act, not a performative one. "
35 " Diamonds are forever, more reliable than husbands. "
36 " Arranged marriages were like this. You move from your father’s home to your husband's house, trusting that the system has your back. Like the net that trapeze artists don’t see but know will catch them if they fall, the tradition and the community that endorses this practice is supposed to be the invisible net that supports every couple embarking on such a marriage purely based on their faith in their family’s good intentions. "
37 " A name after all is a label as personal as “sweetheart” that a lover may use or as distant as a “hey you” that a stranger in a crowd may call out. But a name is more than a label. It is an inheritance that is uniquely your own. It is the primary way in which you respond to the world and the lens through which the world sees you. It defines you, shapes you, and grounds you. It is the one right you take for granted from the time you start interacting with society. "
38 " There are many things I have been sorry for in my life, many mistakes and misunderstandings caused by my words and actions that I find difficult to defend in retrospect. But I am proud of having asked for a hug, uncaring of whether I would be viewed as soft or incompetent. By asking, I learned an important lesson: expressing vulnerability makes us stronger. "
39 " With no step-by-step guidance or role models, I had stumbled and fallen and picked myself up. I had survived. I had thrived. All along, I had moved one day at a time, one considered step followed by another, one morning followed by another night. Each day had been an improvement from the day before. "
40 " Like a child building a new toy with a heap of Lego blocks, I reassembled the useful pieces from the debris of my old life with patience, persistence and a strong belief that a better life was possible. "