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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't QUOTES

Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't QUOTES

1 " You aren't alive if you aren't in need. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

2 " This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

3 " We grow in part by confessing our faults and weaknesses to each other (James 5:16; Eccl. 4:10). If we are always being strong and without needs, we are not growing, and we are setting ourselves up for a very dangerous fall. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

4 " People with a style of denial and blaming are definitely on the list of unsafe people to avoid. 10. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

5 " We often hear of someone saying, ‘So you don’t trust me’ or ‘Are you questioning my integrity?’ or ‘You don’t believe me.’ They get defensive and angry because someone questions their actions, and they think they are above being questioned or having to prove their trustworthiness. But none of us is above questioning. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

6 " Defensive devaluation is a protective device that makes love bad, trust unimportant and people "no darn good any way". People who have been deeply hurt in their relationships will often devalue love so it doesn't hurt so much. And they often become resigned to never loving again. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

7 " Every relationship has problems, because every person has problems, and the place that our problems appear most glaringly is in our close relationships. The key is whether or not we can hear from others where we are wrong, and accept their feedback without getting defensive. Time and again, the Bible says that someone who listens to feedback from others is wise, but someone who does not is a fool. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

8 " God uses people not only to nurture us, but also to open our eyes to sins, selfishness, and denial in us. Love also means saying, “I hold this against you,” as Jesus did when he confronted the churches (Rev. 2:4, 14, 20). Being confronted on character issues isn’t pleasant. It hurts our self-image. It humbles us. But it doesn’t harm us. Loving confrontations protect us from our blindness and self-destructiveness. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

9 " In safe relationships, empathy is a large part of the equation. We literally “enter the other person’s head” and attempt to understand how he feels, what he believes, and how he thinks. Empathy is walking in the moccasins of another person, and not judging him until we can see what suffering he’s been through to get to the point he’s at. Empathy is not easy. It involves letting go of your opinion and what you’re needing in the relationship so that you can enter the world of the other person, if only for a brief time. We can’t stay in the empathic position permanently, because we could lose ourselves. But empathy is what makes a relationship real—and safe. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

10 " Make friends with your needs. Welcome them. They are a gift from God, designed to draw you into relationship with him and with his safe people. Your needs are the cure to the sin of self-sufficiency. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

11 " Unsafe people will never identify with others as fellow sinners and strugglers, because they see themselves as somehow “above all of that. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

12 " Repentant people will recognize a wrong and really want to change because they do not want to be that kind of person. They are motivated by love to not hurt anyone like that again. These are trustworthy people because they are on the road to holiness and change, and their behavior matters to them. People "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

13 " We were created for intimacy, to connect with someone with heart, soul, and mind. Intimacy occurs when we are open, vulnerable, and honest, for these qualities help us to be close to each other. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

14 " Safe relationships are centered and grounded in forgiveness. When you have a friend with the ability to forgive you for hurting her or letting her down, something deeply spiritual occurs in the transaction between you two. You actually experience a glimpse of the deepest nature of God himself. People who forgive can—and should—also be people who confront. What is not confessed can’t be forgiven. God himself confronts our sins and shows us how we wound him: “I have been hurt by their adulterous hearts which turned away from me, and by their eyes, which played the harlot after their idols” (Ezek. 6:9 NASB). When we are made aware of how we hurt a loved one, then we can be reconciled. Therefore, you shouldn’t discount someone who “has something against you,” labeling him as unsafe. He might actually be attempting to come closer in love, in the way that the Bible tells us we are to do. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

15 " We are all deceivers to some degree. The difference between safe and unsafe “liars” is that safe people own their lies and see them as a problem to change as they become aware of their deception. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

16 " People often think the Devil tries to influence people to do “bad things.” While this is true, the demonic strategy is also much deeper. He tries to tempt us to get our needs met without relationship and without humility, the way he wanted to in the beginning. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

17 " If you are uneasy about a relationship, ask yourself, Does this relationship breed more togetherness or more isolation within me? If you feel alone in the relationship, that’s not a good sign. But remem-ber: the first person to look at is yourself. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

18 " The antidote to entitlement is forgiveness in two directions. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

19 " The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps. 34:18). The "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

20 " Love is abiding, timeless, and unchanging, just like its Author. Find people who love you, and love you well over time, like he does: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Heb. 13:8). 8. "

― Henry Cloud , Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't