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41 " I wake many times. We shift and change positions together; he nuzzles me, I move up against him. He holds my hands, my neck, my face. I dream, I wake, I see him, I sleep "
― Laura Nowlin , If He Had Been with Me
42 " And the need to write it down overwhelms me and I step out of the shower, dripping and shivering. "
43 " I like the idea of making out in his car; like a scene from a movie, the windows fog up in the cold and the radio plays our song. "
44 " We are lying out on the grass looking up at the stars like characters in a children’s book. "
45 " On August 8, Phineas Smith died, "
46 " I wasn’t with Finny on that August night, but my imagination has burned the scene in my mind so that it feels like a memory. "
47 " My mother named me Autumn. People say to me “Oh how pretty,” and then the name seems to glide away from them, not grasping all the things that the word should mean to them, shades of red, change, and death "
48 " Are you sad?" he says."Well, yeah.""What is making you sad?""I don't know," I say. "
49 " The thought of enduring every day without him took away my sense of self, of balance, of hope. "
50 " There will always be something I cannot protect him from. "
51 " If he had been with me, Finny would still be alive. If he had been with me, everything would have been different. But whose fault is it that he wasn't? "
52 " We're going to get ice cream," Finny says."I'm being kidnapped," I say."Good job, Phineas," my mom says. "
53 " What? I was sleeping.” “Jamie, my parents are getting a divorce. "
54 " I never know what to do to make you happy, do I?""You make me happier than any other person ever has," I say. "
55 " It's never felt like this before. It feels so natural. It feels so right. Finny. I finally understand what's been missing for me all these years. "
56 " I can’t do this anymore. "
57 " We’re going to get ice cream,” Finny says. “I’m being kidnapped,” I say. “Good job, Phineas,” my mom says. "
58 " I’m in love with Finny. "
59 " I’ve loved him my whole life, and somewhere along the way, that love didn’t change but grew. It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child. It grew with every new longing in my body and desire in my heart until there was not a piece of me that did not love him. And when I look at him, there is no other feeling in me. "
60 " It’s five minutes before the game starts, and I’ve read the brochure twice. Just because something seems impossible doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try. "