Home > Work > If He Had Been with Me
1 " I've loved him my whole life, and somewhere along the way, that love didn't change but grew. It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child. It grew with every new longing of my body and desire until there was not a piece of me that did not love him. And when I look at him, there is no other feeling in me. "
― Laura Nowlin , If He Had Been with Me
2 " Stay I whisper to him. Stay in the car. Stay in this moment. But of course he never does. "
3 " This book is a treasure; I did not suspect it would be so good when I picked it up, but now I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever.I want to savor this wonder, this happening of loving a book and reading it for the first time, because the first time is always the best, and I will never read this book for the first time ever again. "
4 " Are you sure you still would want to if you were sober?" I say. Finny nods. "Yeah," he says again. "But I'm only telling you because I'm not. "
5 " I love him the most when we fight and I am scared that he will leave me. "
6 " I tell myself relationships are hard work. No one is perfect. There's no such thing as happily ever after. "
7 " And it's impossible to say and even harder to feel. "
8 " Finny never tells anyone how he is feeling; you just have to know him well enough to understand when he is sad or scared. Today his expression does not tell me how he feels about me being over here. Either he couldn't care less, or he could be annoyed. "
9 " I don't know if he's realized that I can't refuse him when he says my name like that. "
10 " It hurts for him to smile at me like that. "
11 " I could close my eyes and believe that we have never been apart. I could invent a new past to remember. "
12 " I know that you know I've been in love with you for forever. You don't have to pretend. "
13 " At moments like this, it amazes me that the words don't come tumbling out of me. "
14 " I'm sorry for kissing you.""Don't say that," I say. "Don't say you're sorry for that. "
15 " I never know what to do to make you happy, do I?""You make me happier than any other person ever has," I say but he still won't look at me. "
16 " Sorry," I say. "You just look awful." He looks beautiful. "
17 " And then she kisses him. And I start reading. "
18 " But you and I always remember things the same way. "
19 " It was another momen when one of us could have said something, could have given us time, but neither of us did. We looked at each other until I couldn't bear it anymore. "
20 " Like most of my stories, it will end tragically. "
