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161 " If this had been a real emergency, I wouldn’t have had to feel like that for very long. But it wasn’t a real emergency. Two seconds later, nothing had happened to me. And it continued to not happen, and continued to not happen, and continued to not happen. Which, in my opinion, is the biggest problem with not being immediately murdered by unstoppable spirit monsters. You have to figure out what to do with yourself. "
― Allie Brosh , Solutions and Other Problems
162 " Fear and shame are the backbone of my self-control. They are my source of inspiration, my insurance against becoming entirely unacceptable. They help me do the right thing. And I am terrified of what I would be without them. Because I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life. "
― Allie Brosh , Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened
163 " But he was an adult who possessed other skills that he could fall back on in the event of defeat, and that made him weak. "
164 " Okay, guy—guess what: you don’t get to choose the bananas anymore. "
165 " But I keep allowing it to happen because, to me, the future doesn’t seem real. It’s just this magical place where I can put my responsibilities so that I don’t have to be scared while hurtling toward failure at eight hundred miles per hour. "
166 " Cake is the only thing that matters "
167 " It wants to focus on being a good person, not just a barely not horrible one. "
168 " I don’t like when I can’t control what reality is doing. Which is unfortunate because reality works independently of the things I want, and I have only a limited number of ways to influence it, none of which are guaranteed to work. I still want to keep tabs on reality, though. Just in case it tries to do anything sneaky. It makes me feel like I’m contributing. The illusion of control makes the helplessness seem more palatable. And when that illusion is taken away, I panic. "
169 " Some years have been hard, but overall, I have a pretty easy life. If I find a dead deer, I don’t have to fight a bear for it. I don’t even have to eat it if I don’t want to. "
170 " The god of destruction is lonely. "
171 " Because nobody should have to feel like a pointless little weirdo alone. "
172 " Dear five-year-old, What the fuck is wrong with you? Normal children don’t have dead imaginary friends. Normal children don’t pick open every single one of their chicken pox scabs and then stand naked and bleeding in the darkened doorway to their bedroom until someone walks past and asks what they are doing. Furthermore, normal children don’t respond by saying, “I wanted to know what all my blood would look like. "
173 " For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it. If I win, I have to do something I don’t want to do. If I lose, I’m one step closer to ruining my entire life. "
174 " The window was covered by a screen, but my dad had shown me how to remove a screen as a preemptive safety measure in case I was trapped in a fire and he couldn’t get to me and I turned out to be too stupid to figure out how to kick in a screen to escape death by burning. "
175 " but her licking did not appear to be localized to one spot. Rather, she was walking around the room licking seemingly at random. She lay down on her side and kept licking out of the side of her mouth while staring directly at me. At that moment I realized that I needed to know for sure whether my dog was retarded or not. I Googled “how to tell if your dog is retarded” and after a bit of research, I found a dog IQ test that looked fairly legitimate. "
176 " The human brain knows when it isn't ready to discover everything about itself, and there are a few emergency-emergency security measures in place to keep you safe in the event that you decide to go traipsing around in your deep brain-wilderness like a reckless idiot. "
177 " there’s nothing that requires life to have a point. "
178 " NO — WE DO NOT GIVE UP LIKE WEAK BABY AT HUNGER GAMES PRACTICE. "
179 " This particular dog is not anywhere near the gifted spectrum when it comes to solving problems. In fact, she has only one discernible method of problem solving and it isn’t even really a method. But making high-pitched noises won’t solve your problem if your problem is a complete inability to cope with change. Unfortunately for everyone involved, the simple dog did not understand this concept and she went right ahead and made an interminable amount of noise that was just invasive enough to make sleeping impossible. "
180 " futile as trying to run away from lava in swim fins. "