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101 " she knew that if I was allowed even a tiny amount of sugar, not only would I become intensely hyperactive, but the entire scope of my existence would funnel down to the singular goal of obtaining and ingesting more sugar. My need for sugar would become so massive "
― Allie Brosh , Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened
102 " I don’t like when I can’t control what reality is doing. Which is unfortunate because reality works independently of the things I want, and I have only a limited number of ways to influence it, none of which are guaranteed to work. "
103 " And that feels . . . really bad. I could go on and on about how bad it feels. When you can explain things to people who are willing to listen to you explain them, it is extremely difficult to resist fully and brutally explaining them. It feels good to explain them — like maybe you're getting somewhere. Like maybe, if you can just...really explain them, the experiences will realize you're catching on and stop bothering you. "
― Allie Brosh , Solutions and Other Problems
104 " But, against all odds, my gigantic ego continues to attempt greatness. "
105 " I don't like being inconvenienced, and I especially don't like being inconvenienced too many times in a row. If something I don't like happens, then several more things that I don't like happen directly afterward, that is too many. They shouldn't cluster like that.Unfortunately, that's just how probability works. "
106 " You aren’t allowed to decide because you are really bad at making decisions. "
107 " We're going to play a different game now. It's called "who can yell 'help' the loudest and the most. "
108 " Trimming your dogs nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray cheese. "
109 " Ecco la cosa più avvilente della depressione. Non sempre è qualcosa contro cui puoi lottare armandoti di speranza. Non è nemmeno una cosa, non è niente. E non puoi batterti contro il niente. Non è qualcosa che puoi riempire. Non è qualcosa che puoi coprire. C’è e basta, e nulla ha più senso. E di conseguenza tutti gli incitamenti a essere ottimista e ad agire cominciano a sembrarti totalmente folli di fronte alla reale portata del problema.È come avere in mano una manciata di pesci morti, ma nessuno intorno a te vuole ammettere che quei pesci sono morti. E tutti si offrono di aiutarti a cercare i pesci o a scoprire perché sono spariti. "
110 " But, as long as you aren't dead, you need something to do. And surviving is something to do. "
111 " It’s so somewhat effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something "
112 " And trying really hard when you don't know what you're doing just happens to be the exact recipe for acting like a fuckin' weirdo. "
113 " But my experiences slowly flattened and blended together until it became obvious that there’s a huge difference between not giving a fuck and not being able to give a fuck. "
114 " One of the most terrifying things that has ever happened to me was watching myself over and over again--thirty-five days in a row--not to return a movie I had rented. Every day, I saw it sitting there on the arm of my couch. And every day, I thought, "I should really do something about that..." and then I just didn't. "
― Allie Brosh
115 " Imagine having a friendship like that. Like Hey there, pal...looks like you're having a weird day, so I understand if you need to trap me in a sleeping bag and rub the inside of a banana peel on me until I admit that my name is Dance Pony. "
116 " But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back. "
117 " To reiterate, no matter how much pepper you eat, it won’t undo the ludicrous amount of salt you ate before it. The only thing you are accomplishing by eating pepper is making your mouth taste like pepper AND salt. Similarly, switching back to salt again won’t cancel out the burning from the pepper you ate to cancel out the original salt. How is this so difficult to understand? You can stop whenever you want to. "
118 " Anger is not a graceful emotion. I've never gotten mad and been like, I'm glad I behaved like that!I feel weird about it every time.Usually, knowing how weird I'm going to feel is enough to restrain me. But sometimes there's just so much of it, and it isn't going away, and you're tired, and you start to think, Hey...maybe this isn't such a bad thing...maybe I WANT this...And then you get to see what the worst part of you looks like. "
119 " Procrastination has become its own solution—a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee toward success. "
120 " Nail clippers: As you may have noticed, trimming your nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray "