Home > Author > Jane Nelsen
81 " True discipline guides, teaches, and invites healthy behavior. As you may have discovered, you can never really control anyone’s behavior but your own, and attempts to control your child usually create more problems and power struggles. "
― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler--Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child
82 " Life with an active, challenging toddler becomes much easier when you accept that positive learning does not take place in a threatening atmosphere. As research in respected university child development labs has consistently demonstrated, children don’t learn healthy attitudes and life skills when they are feeling scared, hurt, or angry. "
83 " Sadly, a child often “misbehaves” because she has lost her sense of belonging or connection. Misbehavior “works” for a very good reason; that is, it regains a parent’s attention and involvement, even if that attention is negative. Believe it or not, children don’t “act out” to get attention. While all children need attention, what they really seek is safe, secure connection. When your child knows that she is securely connected to you, her misbehavior will diminish. "
84 " Punishment—no matter what sort you use—is likely to produce what we call the Four R’s of Punishment: 1. Resentment 2. Rebellion 3. Revenge 4. Retreat, through: a. Sneakiness (“I just won’t get caught next time”) or b. Low self-worth (“I really am a bad person”) "
85 " There is a difference between wants and needs, and your little one’s needs are simpler than you might think. All genuine needs should be met. When you give in to all wants, however, you can create problems for your child and for yourself. "
86 " Your child will need lots of opportunities to exercise his imagination and creativity as he grows. (Sometimes that includes time to play alone.) "
87 " For example, your child needs food, shelter, and attachment. He needs warmth and security. He needs to learn he is capable and can contribute. He does not need a tablet computer, a television in his bedroom, a miniature monster truck to drive, "
88 " children learn from all of their senses, and having the opportunity to get messy is a valuable part of play—and learning. (You can always clean up together afterward "
89 " From his earliest moments in your family, your young child has four basic needs: 1. A sense of belonging (connection) 2. A sense of personal power and autonomy (capability) 3. Social and life skills (contribution) 4. Kind and firm discipline that teaches (with dignity and respect) "
90 " Children learn respect by seeing what it looks like in action. "
91 " Don’t expect a child to do something “right now” when you are interrupting something she is thoroughly engaged in. Give her some warning. “We need to leave the park in two minutes. Do you want to swing one more time "
92 " don’t get the impression that your baby needs constant stimulation. Babies need private time to explore by themselves. "
93 " invite her to help you pick out a ringtone on your phone. Then set the timer together for an agreed-upon time. When it goes off, it is time to go. "
94 " wonder, “Would they rather have weak-willed children?”): children who won’t obey, won’t listen, or have temper tantrums. Some of this behavior is typical of a young child’s development, as children explore and experiment to discover who they are and what they can do. "
95 " shame and humiliation are disrespectful, and a child who is treated with disrespect is likely to return the favor. "
96 " Kindness and firmness show respect for your child’s dignity, your own dignity, and the needs of the situation. "
97 " It is amazing how a child who resists a direct order will respond with enthusiasm when that order becomes an invitation to play. Try telling your toddler, “I bet you can’t pick up all your little cars before I count to ten, "
98 " wonder if you can brush your teeth and get into your pajamas before Dad does. "
99 " a true sense of self-worth does not come from being loved, praised, or showered with goodies. It comes from having skills that provide a sense of capability and resilience to handle the ups and downs and disappointments of life. "
100 " Do your best to be empathetic when your child cries (or has a temper tantrum). He may just be frustrated with his lack of abilities. "