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Jane Nelsen QUOTES

Jane Nelsen QUOTES

1 " Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better? "

― Jane Nelsen

2 " If you want to leave the park and your child isn’t ready to go, give her a hug and say, “You’re really upset right now. I know you want to stay, but it’s time to leave.” Then hold your child and let her experience her feelings before you move on to the next activity. If you were instead to pamper your child by letting her stay at the park longer, she doesn’t have the opportunity to learn from experience that she can survive disappointment. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler--Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child

3 " You can’t make another person treat you with respect, but you can treat yourself with respect. Walking away is treating yourself with respect—and "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline

4 " Children do not develop responsibility when parents and teachers are too strict and controlling, nor do they develop responsibility when parents and teachers are permissive. Children learn responsibility when they have opportunities to learn valuable social and life skills for good character in an atmosphere of kindness, firmness, dignity, and respect. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline

5 " The challenge of parenting lies in finding the balance between nurturing, protecting, and guiding, on one hand, and allowing your child to explore, experiment, and become an independent, unique person, on the other. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years - Raising Children Who Are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful

6 " When parents continue to dress their children after the age of three, they are robbing them of developing a sense of responsibility, self-sufficiency, and self-confidence. They are less likely to develop the belief that they are capable. Instead they feel a sense of belonging when others do things for them. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline

7 " Where did parents get the crazy idea that in order to make children behave, parents should make them feel shame, humiliation, or even pain? Children are more motivated to cooperate, learn new skills, and offer affection and respect when they feel encouraged, connected, and loved. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years - Raising Children Who Are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful

8 " It is interesting to note that two people with these opposing philosophies often get married. One has a tendency to be just a little too lenient. The other has a tendency to be just a little too strict. Then the lenient parent thinks he or she needs to be just a little more lenient to make up for the mean old strict parent. The strict parent thinks he or she needs to be just a little more strict to make up for the wishy-washy lenient parent—so they get further and further apart and fight about who is right and who is wrong. In truth they are both being ineffective. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline

9 " If you are tempted to “teach” your child by guilt, shame, or punishment, you will be creating discouraging beliefs that are difficult to reverse in adulthood. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years - Raising Children Who Are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful

10 " The Truth About Boys and Girls You may be surprised to learn that baby boys actually appear to be more fragile at birth than do baby girls. Yup, studies show that the rough, tough little guys made of “snakes and snails and puppy-dog tails” appear to be more easily stressed and more susceptible to health problems. They are often “fussier” than girls; they cry more easily and seem to have a harder time learning to calm themselves down (what is sometimes called “self-soothing”). Baby boys may be more sensitive to changes in routine, and to parental anger or depression. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler--Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child

11 " Stress is the space between your thoughts of how life should be and how life really is. This "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline for Teenagers: Empowering Your Teens and Yourself Through Kind and Firm Parenting

12 " Many people feel strongly that strictness and punishment work. I agree. I would never say that punishment does not work. Punishment does work in that it usually stops misbehavior immediately. But what are the long-term results? We are often fooled by immediate results. Sometimes we must beware of what works when the long-term results are negative. The long-term results of punishment are that children usually adopt one or all of the Four R’s of Punishment: The Four R’s of Punishment Resentment—“This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.” Revenge—“They are winning now, but I’ll get even.” Rebellion—“I’ll do just the opposite to prove I don’t have to do it their way.” Retreat: Sneakiness—“I won’t get caught next time.” Reduced self-esteem—“I am a bad person. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline

13 " In fact, a true sense of self-worth does not come from being loved, praised, or showered with goodies. It comes from having skills that provide a sense of capability and resilience to handle the ups and downs and disappointments of life. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler--Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child

14 " One of the best ways of becoming an effective parent—or, for that matter, an effective human being—is to understand the perceptions of other people, to be able to “get into their world. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler--Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child

15 " The feeling behind words is often most evident in our tone of voice. Adding humiliation violates the basic concept of mutual respect. It also changes what could be a logical consequence into punishment, which won’t achieve positive long-term effects. If a child spills milk on the floor, the logical consequence (or solution) would be for her to clean it up. It remains a logical consequence (or solution) so long as the adult engages the child through kind but firm words, such as “Whoops, what do you need to do about that?” Notice how much more engaging it is to ask the child what needs to be done instead of telling her. Asking instead of telling is one of the most effective Positive Discipline methods you will learn and is discussed in more detail in chapter six. Telling invites resistance and rebellion. Respectfully involving children invites them to feel capable to use their power in contributing ways. A request becomes a punishment when adults don’t use a tone of voice that is kind and respectful or adds humiliation, such as, “How can you be so clumsy? Clean that up right now, and let me pour the milk from now on since you can’t seem to get it right. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline

16 " A perfect child is often pictured as the one who quietly obeys his parents, doesn’t fight with his brothers or sisters, does his chores without complaining, saves his money, does homework without being reminded—and who gets good grades, is athletic, and is popular. Does this mean that a child who doesn’t fit this description is imperfect? Frankly, we worry about the child who fits this fantasy description. This is usually the child who does not feel secure enough to test power boundaries and find out who she is apart from her parents and teachers, who is afraid to make mistakes or risk disapproval. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years - Raising Children Who Are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful

17 " When a limit is broken, don’t lecture or punish. Continue respectful involvement with the child. Avoid telling what happened and what should be done about it. You might ask curiosity questions: “What happened? What do you think caused that to happen? What ideas do you have to solve the problem now? What did you learn that will help you next time? "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline

18 " Praise and encouragement are different. Praise is accorded to those who achieve or succeed. Encouragement is unconditional because it accepts and supports a person whatever the outcome of her efforts. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline: A Teacher's A-Z Guide: Hundreds of Solutions for Almost Every Classroom Behavior Problem!

19 " Without recognizing the belief behind the behavior, some adults react to the behavior with some kind of punishment, such as blaming, shaming, or inflicting physical pain. This kind of response only confirms a student’s belief that he or she doesn’t belong, creating a vicious cycle that leads to more misbehavior. In this cycle the student’s deep need for belonging, contribution, and skills is not being addressed at all. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline Tools for Teachers: Effective Classroom Management for Social, Emotional, and Academic Success

20 " When Dad lost control of Mom, they both lost control of the children. "

― Jane Nelsen , Positive Discipline