102
" Her words hurt, more than he’d have thought. He wanted to defend himself—but then, maybe she was right, maybe he was selfish and careless. And he was right as well, to think her prudish and overcautious. He looked out over the lake, which lay dark and still, somehow still unruffled by their argument.
“We can’t seem to talk without fighting.” He words were uncomfortably close to the drift of his mind; he sometimes wondered if he was as opaque to her as she thought. “It’s strange that we can be friends. I hope that you do consider me a friend, and not a burden. I don’t want these walks to be something you dread.” She glanced at him quickly, as if embarrassed. “It feels strange, not knowing. Were you someone else, I wouldn’t have to ask.”
It took him a moment to respond, and he had to dare himself to match her honesty. “I look forward to walking with you. I think I even look forward to the arguments. You understand what my life is like, even when we disagree. "
― Helene Wecker , The Golem and the Jinni (The Golem and the Jinni, #1)
105
" They fell silent. The hansom crept along, finally reaching the southern edge of the park. They cut west, and the air grew heavy with the exhalations of the trees beyond the wall.
At last he asked, “Will Micheal be all right without you?” He’d tried, and failed, not to tense at the name.
“Michael will be better off for my leaving. I hope he can forgive me someday.” She glanced across at him. “I haven’t told you why I married him.”
“Maybe I don’t want to know,” he muttered.
“I did it because you’d taken the paper from my locket. I couldn’t destroy myself. I had to live in the world, and I was terrified. So I hid behind Michael. I tried to turn him into my master. I honestly thought it would be better that way.”
The self-recrimination in her voice was painful to hear. “You were frightened,” he said.
“Yes, and in my fear I made the weakest, most selfish mistake of my existence. So how can you possibly trust me to carry your life in my hands?”
“I trust you above all others,” he told her. “Above myself.”
She shook her head, but then leaned into him, as though taking shelter. He drew her close, the crown of her head beneath his cheek. Beyond the hansom’s window, New York was an endless rhythm of walls and windows and doors, darkened alleys, flashes of sunlight. He thought, if he could pick a moment to be taken into the flask, a moment to live in endlessly, perhaps he would choose this one: the passing city, and the woman at his side. "
― Helene Wecker , The Golem and the Jinni (The Golem and the Jinni, #1)
