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1 " A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads. "
― Quentin R. Bufogle , Horse Latitudes
2 " What's this business about the 'little man in the canoe?' If it's big enough for a canoe, it's too big for me. "
3 " Stop praying. Get off your knees and do something. There's only one particular need that can be effectively addressed while in the kneeling position. If yours pertains to anything else, then please, seek help elsewhere. 'God helps those who help themselves' is just the Church's way of telling you that it's all a sham. You're really on your own. "
4 " The difference between an atheist and a person of faith? One additional religion in the crazy column. You believe that all religions except yours are crazy. I believe that all religions including yours are crazy. "
5 " Forget 'pray the gay away.' I you're more turned on by an AR-15 than a pair of tits, time for some serious therapy. Time for all you gun-humpers to come out of the closet. Is this really about the 2nd Amendment and self-defense -- or just a pathetic fetish for guys with tiny pee-pees? "
6 " It's a random universe. Shit happens. Good people get stage 4 cancer and dipshits win the lottery. There is no justice. Everything doesn't always come out square in the end. Life isn't some elegant math equation -- it's a Sergio Leone screenplay and everyone gets snuffed. Not all of us have to ante up for our portion of the tab. Some get to do the ol' dine 'n' dash. "
7 " The religious right is one of the most politically militant voting blocs in the country and the agenda is clear (a gun in every uterus). Time we stopped subsidizing the anti-abortion movement in the form of tax-exemptions. "
8 " Money can buy a shitload of happiness -- just nothing you can't ever live without. "
9 " Before you're allowed to own a .44, your IQ should be higher than .44. "
10 " If you're a CEO of Big Pharma who raises the price of a life-saving drug 600%, it's not competition you lack, it's a conscience. It's not poorly lit alleyways that are responsible for rape -- it's rapists. Let's address the real problem: CORPORATE GREED. "
11 " If there's no honor among thieves, only a colossal idiot (or fellow thief) would suggest using the honor system to regulate big banks and corporations. "
12 " A woman on an online dating site asked if I'd ever had an STD. I told her my high school prom date was named 'Chlamydia. "
13 " MY ASS IS WORTH MORE THAN YOUR INCONVENIENCE ... that's my response to anyone opposed to universal background checks. If Ted Nugent has to wait three days because his wife wants a Howitzer for the backyard -- tough shit! If a background check keeps ONE gun out of the hands of ONE maniac thereby saving MY ass, it's worth it. May sound a bit selfish, but I'd hope you're equally fond of your own ass. "
14 " Forget the National Debt Clock. We need an electronic billboard to track all the daily shootings in this country. I'm really sick of listening to all the mouth breathers who soil their camouflage pants every time someone suggests we might have a gun problem. Other countries have crazy, violent people. What they don't have is 300,000,000 WMDs and a gun show loophole that allows any psycho with a valid credit card to own 'em. "
15 " I don't mind being a team player. I'm just tired of being the soccer ball. "
16 " My problem with women? I want all of 'em -- and none of 'em. "
17 " I'm tired of being told it's elitist to call stupid behavior stupid. Remember when you were just a tot and thought it might be a good idea to stick your wee-wee in the electrical socket? Hopefully, you hade a mom who kicked you in the behind and called you stupid. There are times when mincing words and pleasant euphemisms simply don't cut it. Sometimes, you need to call stupid by its given name. "
18 " Stupid is terminal. There is no cure. I know those who've beaten cancer, but not a single individual who's ever been cured of stupid. Fortunately, nature has its own way of thinning the herd. The stupid ultimately don't survive. The antelope that doesn't recognize the lion as predator, winds up inside the lion. "
19 " Chester watched it shining clearly above the picnic grounds. Soon an astronaut would step down off the LEM of Apollo 11 and plant his foot on what had once been hallowed ground. Science would intrude on what for all known time had been the sole domain of poets and dreamers alone: the moon. After that, well -- one thing was for certain: no matter what they found up there, it would never again be as easy for a father to tell his young son that the mysterious ball of light that appeared in the heavens each night was really just a hunk of old cheese floating in the sky. Nothing would ever be that simple again. "
