Home > Work > The Subs Club (The Subs Club, #1)
1 " He pointed at the paper. “I want you to write me a description of every foot you’ve put wrong since we met. Make sure I can read your writing. You have five minutes.”Write about every foot I’d put wrong. I peered down at my feet.I started to write: My left foot is a size eight point five. It has a high arch, and my big toe is longer than my second toe. There is a light smattering of hair on the top of my foot. I paused and stuck my left leg out, studying my shoe. Right now I am wearing Nike Frees for m—“Bring me your paper.”I glanced at my paper. “I’m not done yet.”“One . . . two . . .”I brought him the paper. "
― J.A. Rock , The Subs Club (The Subs Club, #1)
2 " This is your last chance to go home, son.” It was the loudest I’d heard him speak.I froze.Cock, meet jeans. Jeans, please contain cock. "
3 " Anything else you want to discuss before we begin?”“Who cuts your hair? You should run them through with their own thinning shears. You have a wonderful face, and so much wasted potential for—” He stepped forward and grabbed my ear. “Ow! "
4 " Those are mints! For your mouth! They’re my favorite kind of mints, and now I’ll never be able to enjoy them again because you’ve turned them into ass mints! "
5 " I actually like 'the Subs Club' as a name." Kamen nodded. "We're like the Baby-Sitters Club. Except instead of babysitting, we're face-sitting.""Kamen, gross. "
6 " Miles grumbled. “Well, stick to hot sauce or ginger in the future if you’re figging.” Kamen strummed his guitar, coming up with the chords for “Killing Me Softly.” “Figgin me softly with hot sauce,” he sang over the sounds of justice being served. “Figging me so-oftly, with hot sauce.” “Buddy . . .” I warned. “Filling my whole ass with his burn . . .” I turned to Gould. “Do you believe this is happening? "
7 " Small talk is last refuge of the insecure. "
8 " Appointments?! Like this fuck-cake was in such high demand he couldn’t take a couple of hours out of his day to spank me? "
9 " I'm definitely not going to be graced with a suitable partner," Miles grumbled. I plucked at his cardigan. "Well, maybe if you didn't come to a fetish party dressed like Mr. Rogers. Are you here to get your ass beat or catch a trolley to the Neighborhood of Make Believe? "
10 " Pornstache vanished without so much as burying his face in my ass and giving me mustache burns on my taint. Life was cruel. "
11 " It felt more difficult, the older I got, to connect with others. People didn’t seem as wonderful and amazing and unique as they had when I was in college. And being around the kind of people who didn’t seem to care who I was or what I wanted in life, like my coworkers, made me feel lonelier than actually being alone. "
12 " If you play safely, then you’ve got nothing to fear about talking. "
13 " Kamen, Jesus.” I took a deep breath. “I had no idea you were here.” Kamen plopped on the couch next to Gould and sent the book crashing to the floor. “I wanted toast.” “Can you not make toast at your place?” “You guys have the really good bread.” “You are aware this bread is available to the general public? "
14 " There was a mountain man guy there on Friday." I fired up the laptop. "I, like, wanted to have his children and shave his face but also feel his mustache sanding my balls and have him teach me how to smoke venison. I was a bounty of contradictions. "
15 " How was this guy still in business? He wasn't that hot, his attitude was insufferable, and just the thought of his mustache made me want to...Rub off on the fucking throw cushion.God. Damn. It. "
16 " The place smelled like leather and cedar and pine needles and the sweat of labor. Possibly e had some kind of Paul Bunyan-themed Glade PlugIn. "
17 " We don't really have to call it the Subs Club. That was just a lame placeholder title I put in."Kamen crossed his arms on the table. "It makes me want a sandwich. "
18 " He was polite, let me set the limits, and gave me snacks afterward.""Aww, snack doms are the best! "
19 " If the receiver is completely relaxed, and herbal tea is used as a solution . . .” “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.” I turned my face toward him, forgetting, for a second, about the chaos within. “You want to put tea up my ass?” “It’s incredibly soothing.” “You’re incredibly psychotic. "
20 " Who are you?" I asked it in a harsh whisper. "Who the fuck loves horses and watching people shit and tighty-whities and Davy Crockett? A fucking psycho, that's who. "