Home > Work > The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others

The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others QUOTES

The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others QUOTES

1 " Accept that what you see is what you'll get. Once your relationship becomes firmly established, your partner's personality and the way in which [he or] she treats you will most likely be what your future together will look like. Staying with a partner whom you hope will change usually results in disappointment. "

― Mary C. Lamia , The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others

2 " Volatile expressions of anger and hostility combined with a tendency to blame others often result from feeling shame.... If you are shame-prone, any accusation directed at you, regardless of how mildly it may be delivered, has the potential to make you feel that you have failed or that you are inadequate. Rather than simply admit wrongdoing, you get angry and accusatory in order to hold yourself blameless. Using anger or hostility for self-protection hides your vulnerability and needs. Unfortunately, since most people are repelled by an angry response, this method may be effective.

Your anger may drive away the very people who should know your real feelings, and it may deprive you of the opportunity to allow others to be aware of your needs. Behaving in an offensive or frightening way toward others can cause them to retreat out of fear. But, actually, the fear is your own, which you have turned against someone else in the form of anger. "

― Mary C. Lamia , The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others

3 " If you have realistic ideals and can generally live up to them, your self-esteem will not be threatened. If your ideals are exaggerated and you cannot reach them, your good feelings from successes may be short lived, and you may feel that you are never good enough.

The continued hope for the impossible, the expectation that you will or can be unconditionally loved and adored, is not facing reality but rather holding onto an idealized image of yourself and an idealized version of what others can provide. If this is the case, your sense of self may be threatened by shame and its resulting depression, or by feelings of inadequacy for not living up to your unrealistic ideals. A better understanding of shame may help you recognize your tendency to hide what you feel from yourself and others. "

― Mary C. Lamia , The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others

4 " Self-esteem is determined to a great degree by your comparison of your sense of self with your ideal self. "

― Mary C. Lamia , The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others

5 " Suppose Ariel hits her younger sister, and her mother responds by giving Ariel a time-out and sending Ariel to her room, saying that she doesn’t want to be around her for a while. Ariel’s focus will now be on the loss of her mother’s affection and the loss of her opportunity to play. On the other hand, if a parent focuses the child’s attention on the impact of the child’s actions on other people, the child will develop an internal motive to consider others that is empathy-based (Hoffman 2000). In our example, if Ariel’s mother would talk to Ariel about how she has made her sister feel, Ariel may become aware of the effect of her behavior on her sister’s feelings. This will help her to develop empathy and the ability to see things from another person’s perspective. If her mother’s response focuses Ariel’s attention exclusively on what Ariel is losing (her mother’s affection and the opportunity to continue playing), that does nothing to help Ariel develop an internal motive for becoming empathic toward her sister. "

― Mary C. Lamia , The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others