" Suppose Ariel hits her younger sister, and her mother responds by giving Ariel a time-out and sending Ariel to her room, saying that she doesn’t want to be around her for a while. Ariel’s focus will now be on the loss of her mother’s affection and the loss of her opportunity to play. On the other hand, if a parent focuses the child’s attention on the impact of the child’s actions on other people, the child will develop an internal motive to consider others that is empathy-based (Hoffman 2000). In our example, if Ariel’s mother would talk to Ariel about how she has made her sister feel, Ariel may become aware of the effect of her behavior on her sister’s feelings. This will help her to develop empathy and the ability to see things from another person’s perspective. If her mother’s response focuses Ariel’s attention exclusively on what Ariel is losing (her mother’s affection and the opportunity to continue playing), that does nothing to help Ariel develop an internal motive for becoming empathic toward her sister. "

― Mary C. Lamia , The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others