Home > Work > Half My Facebook Friends Are Ferrets
1 " If I don't get a girlfriend soon (number one on the list) I may have to resort to drastic measures like surgery (me) or hypnosis (them). "
― J.A. Buckle , Half My Facebook Friends Are Ferrets
2 " Ozzy's cage is now sparkling but there is a problem. It seems that if you put vast quantities of sawdust down a toilet, the toilet stops working. "
3 " You'll be alright," I say, "Mum likes you. "
4 " It's hot in here but that's just you, Michelle, for when I see you it's like the sun comes out in my head. You are the reason for global warming but in a good way. "
5 " Don’t worry,” I say. “There’s plenty more fish in the sea.”“But I don’t want a fish,” Davey says. He really did say that and he wasn’t even trying to be funny.“I mean there’ll be other girls,” I say. “And anyway I’ve been thinking about all this and I’m wondering if we’re a bit too young to be worried about girls. You know, Davey, there are actually loads of boys who haven’t got girlfriends at our school. And even the ones who have don’t really go out with them. They just hang around school and maybe outside Morrisons. What sort of relationship is that? I think we’ve been fooled into submitting to peer pressure and we should just stop and say no! No, I will not feel inferior. I refuse to feel like a loser just because some bimbo isn’t trying to lick my tonsils... And besides, a girl will come along in her own good time. Probably when we're least expecting it! "
6 " What is it with these people? They are more obsessed with me finding a girlfriend than I am."He's concentrating on his studies," says Mum proudly."Ah," says Mr Coles. "I should've done that, but at his age I was out on the town, living it up. Best days of my life, they were.""Oh yes, mine too," says Mum with a weird twinkle in her eye.I wonder how easy it is to kill two people with a screwdriver and a bag of half-frozen peas. "
