182
" You seem quite learned in the art of giving compliments,” I countered. “Do you give them often?”
“No. Gupta was telling the truth. I’ve forgotten how to pay courtly compliments,” said Amar. “For instance, etiquette demands I tell you that you look lovely and compliment your demure. But that wouldn’t be the truth.”
Heat rose to my cheeks and I narrowed my eyes. “What, then, would be the truth?”
“The truth,” said Amar, taking a step closer to me, “is that you look neither lovely nor demure. You look like edges and thunderstorms. And I would not have you any other way. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
187
" You have to trust me, my love. There has only been you. I know who you are. You are my queen. You always have been.”
I couldn’t look at him, but I could feel his gaze on me. So pained and tender that I fought the need to run to him, to comfort him. But I couldn’t push out the image of the woman in the glass garden. I couldn’t forget Gauri’s necklace encrusted with blood. I couldn’t forget how he had hinted at some latent power within me, and yet I couldn’t move a single thread on the tapestry.
I couldn’t forget his lies.
“Go near that tree and I will lose you forever,” he said fiercely. “Your memories won’t keep. Your powers will be gone.” Amar staggered toward me, and this time, I couldn’t help but look at him. His eyes held mine in a firm, unyielding gaze. “Jaani, I put too much of myself and my own memories into the tree. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
188
" I make this bond to you in blood, not flowers,” he said. “Come with me and you shall be an empress with the moon for your throne and constellations to wear in your hair. Come with me and I promise you that we will always be equals.”
My mouth went dry. A blood oath was no trifling undertaking. Vassals swore it to lords, priests to the gods. But husbands to wives? Unthinkable.
Still, Bharata’s court had taught me one thing: the greater the offer, the greater the compromise. And I had neither dowry nor influence from Bharata, nothing to give but the jewels I wore.
“You’re offering me the world, and you ask for nothing in return.”
“I ask only for your trust and patience.”
“Trust?” I repeated. “Trust is won in years. Not words. And I don’t know anything about you--”
“I will tell you everything,” he cut in, his voice fierce. “But we must wait until the new moon. The kingdom’s close ties to the Otherworld make it dangerous grounds for the curious.”
In my stories to Gauri, the new moon weakened the other realms. Starlight thinned their borders and the inhabitants lay glutted and sleepy on moonbeams. The thing is, I had always made that part up.
“Why that long?”
“Because that is when my realm is at its weakest,” said Amar, confirming my imagination and sending shivers across my arms. “Until then, the hold of the other realms binds me into silence.”
The night before the wedding ceremony, there was no moon in the sky. I would have to wait a whole cycle.
“And in the meantime, you expect me to go away with you?”
“Yes,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Do you accept me?”
He held out his hand to me, the cut on his palm bright and swollen. Against the glow of the bazaar, Amar’s form cut a silhouette of night.
I looked past him to the glittering secrets of the Otherworld. The Night Bazaar gleamed beneath its split sky--an invitation to be more than what Bharata expected, a challenge to rise beyond the ranks of the nameless, dreamless harem women. All I needed to do was slip my hand in his. I was reaching for him before I knew it and the warmth of his hands jolted me.
“I accept. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
191
" May I?” asked Amar.
I nodded. With a small knife, Amar deftly clipped a number of strands. Quickly, he twirled them into a bracelet and slipped it onto his wrist. There was another bracelet on his hand that I had not noticed until now. A simple strap of black leather tied into an elegant knot.
“Thank you for this,” he said, pulling his sleeve over the other strap.
“It’s nothing,” I said, trying for lightness.
“And yet I would trade everything for it,” he said. There was no tease in his voice. Nothing but a strange straightforwardness, like he’d never said anything more honest in his entire life.
“Then you must be relieved I gave it willingly.”
“Astounded,” he murmured, still tracing the circlet. He looked at me and something light fluttered in my stomach. “Not relieved. Relief is when you want something to stop.”
A small light floated between us, only to vanish in an instant.
“What are those?”
Amar followed my gaze. “Wishes.”
My eyes widened. “They grant wishes?”
“Sadly, no. They’re wishes already made.”
“Of what?”
“Or who?” countered Amar.
“Is this another secret the moon keeps from me?”
“No,” said Amar with a grin. “It is a secret that I choose to keep from you. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
192
" A small light floated between us, only to vanish in an instant.
“What are those?”
Amar followed my gaze. “Wishes.”
My eyes widened. “They grant wishes?”
“Sadly, no. They’re wishes already made.”
“Of what?”
“Or who?” countered Amar.
“Is this another secret the moon keeps from me?”
“No,” said Amar with a grin. “It is a secret that I choose to keep from you.”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because then this would lose all its fun.”
I rolled my eyes and turned away from him when he caught me around the wrist.
“Don’t you want to know what I wished for?” he said, his breath against my neck.
“No,” I said, but my gaze was fixed on all the blinking lights. There were so many. And why did he say or who? when it came to his wishes?
“I can’t stand deception.”
“Then stop flattering yourself.”
He laughed and released me. “I’ll tell you what I wished for if you give me a kiss.”
I turned to face him. “Even if I did, you might lie. There’s no way to prove that you wished for what you said you did.”
He smiled. “Clever as ever.”
“Or unwilling to kiss you.”
“Another lie,” he said, grinning. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
196
" I am the Dharma Raja for a reason. I would not have my own impartiality questioned by favoring you. Surely, you knew this.”
“What would you have done if I failed?”
“You couldn’t fail,” said Amar. “That’s why I did not worry. You were meant to be the queen of these lands. We were meant to rule together. For all of eternity.”
“I would rather die than rule by the side of a coward.”
Shadows curled away from Amar’s body.
“Coward?” he hissed. “Cowardice is running from the difficult choices made by the ones that love you most. If I have been a coward, so have you, jaani. But we may start anew. Let us not speak of this time any longer.”
He tried, once more, to tilt my face into a kiss, but I moved away.
“I saw you spread the rumors yourself in the Otherworld. I watched you take solace in another’s arms. And if surviving the agni pariksha means spending eternity with you, then I would rather live life as a mortal.”
The room became damp and sticky with darkness.
“What lies you hurl at me,” he murmured.
“I don’t trust you.”
He stepped back, wounded. “Has your judgment become so compromised? If you truly do not believe the truth in my words, then you have no place here.”
We stared at one another, fury swelling between us. The silence expanded, solidifying our words like manacles.
“Once, I thought you loved me,” I said in a broken voice. “I refuse to live in your shadow for the rest of eternity.”
His eyes widened, obsidian eyes searching and disbelieving.
“Then leave!” he said, gesturing to the door angrily. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
197
" I’ve forgotten how to pay courtly compliments,” said Amar. “For instance, etiquette demands I tell you that you look lovely and compliment your demure. But that wouldn’t be the truth.”
Heat rose to my cheeks and I narrowed my eyes. “What, then, would be the truth?”
“The truth,” said Amar, taking a step closer to me, “is that you look neither lovely nor demure. You look like edges and thunderstorms. And I would not have you any other way.”
My breath gathered in a tight knot and I looked away, only to catch sight of the tapestry. The threads throbbed behind my eyes, sharp as any headache. My vision blurred, swallowing the room around me. I blinked rapidly, squinting at the threads.
All I could see were that all the threads were out of place. Some had either skipped a stitch or poked out altogether. I walked toward the tapestry in a daze, my hands outstretched.
I could feel the tapestry’s pull, sharp as hunger, dry as thirst. Nothing would sate or slake me. All I wanted was to adjust the threads, tuck them back into place. There was an order, a pattern, like a stitching trick. I could feel it like a word balancing on the tip of my tongue and all I had to do was--
Amar’s hand closed around my wrist. He moved before me, blocking the tapestry.
“Stop!”
I blinked, my head woolly. His hands were around my shoulders, drawing me to a wobbly stand.
“Did I fall?”
“That sounds ungraceful,” he said, a smile playing at his lips. He was trying to joke with me, to ward off whatever happened as though it were nothing. But his hands were tight at my shoulders and there was the slightest tremble in his fingers.
“A graceful tumble, then?” I suggested, stepping out of the circle of his arms.
I didn’t need any help keeping myself upright.
“I should’ve explained the tapestry before showing it to you. It can be overwhelming.”
Amar led me to the throne and I sank into it wearily. There was a new ache tethered inside my bones. In the haze, the pressure of Amar’s hand against my arm was warm, comforting even. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the warm pulse in his fingers.
When I finally felt strong enough to speak, I opened my eyes to find Amar’s face mere inches from mine. I could count the immaculate stitching of his emerald hood, the stubble along his chin and the veins raised along his hand. His eyes, as always, lay hidden. But he was so close that if I wanted, and I did, I might be able to peek--
Amar jerked backward, his jaw tightening. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
199
" Those are for auguring, dikri, for scrying futures,” wheedled a matronly looking being. She had wings pinioned to her back that were dull gold and edged in fire.
“I’m not interested,” I said, thinking of my own horoscope.
“What about a love charm, then?” persisted the owner, pushing a flower carved of pearl to me. “To awaken your lover’s interest,” she added with a wink.
At this, Amar walked to the table and slid the flower rather ungently back toward the owner.
“I am her husband. She needs no charm to hold my interest. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
200
" I’ll tell you what I wished for if you give me a kiss.”
I turned to face him. “Even if I did, you might lie. There’s no way to prove that you wished for what you said you did.”
He smiled. “Clever as ever.”
“Or unwilling to kiss you.”
“Another lie,” he said, grinning.
Amar reached into the air and a handful of lights danced on his palms. “Kiss me and you’ll know I’m telling the truth.”
He leaned forward, the small lights illuminating his face. In the light, he looked honey drenched. But I wasn’t going to give him a victory so easily. I quickly pecked his cheek and stepped back. Amar was still tipped toward me, his eyes a little wide before he started laughing.
“Foolish optimism.”
I ignored him. “And those wishes?”
“See for yourself,” he said, opening his palm.
There was nothing in his hands. Around us, a third of the lights had disappeared. I stared into the dark, waiting for them to flare into being. But they were gone.
“Once a wish comes true, it disappears for good.”
“That’s what you wished for?” I asked, incredulous. “A peck on the cheek?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“This,” said Amar, gesturing to the space between us, “the chance to be this close to you.”
We looked at one another in silence. There was something new between us. Fragile and thrumming. I didn’t know what to do. Nothing I had learned in Bharata’s sanctum had taught me this. Nothing I had seen in the harem came close to what I felt. There was an undercurrent of depth, of something hard-won and dangerous. I couldn’t treat it with lightness…and I didn’t want to. "
― Roshani Chokshi , The Star-Touched Queen (The Star-Touched Queen, #1)
