4
" Everybody stand back," Pat bellowed in a voice definitely more manly than girly. The Vamps flew around and squealed like girls. "It's gonna get stinky." "Oh my hell," Dima sputtered as she pulled me back toward the house. "Are they going to kill my father with anal acoustics?" "Very nice," I said as I pitched a throwing star at some incoming bad guys, removing a head and making the others duck for cover. "I'm impressed. I will accept that gross pun and raise you a booty belch, anal salute, cheek squeak and sphincter siren." "I'm going to be ill, but I will counter your offer with a butt bazooka, a crack splitter, Horton hears a poo, and a nice bout of rectal turbulence," she shot back as she beheaded something flying low over her head. Thankfully it wasn't a Vamp. "Can I play?" Hank asked. "Of course," I told him. "Panty burp, roar from the rear, air tulip, and ass ripper," he added proudly. "I will marry you," I said with a grin. "Your disgusting mind matches my own. And you deserve my friendship, "
― Robyn Peterman , Some Were In Time (Shift Happens #2)
8
" Holy hell, Essie," Dwayne gushed with joy. "If I was straight I would totally fight Hank for your ass." "Thank you," I said. "Wait what?" Hank yelled. "You're mine." "I know," I told him. "Dwayne was just giving me an unfiltered and inappropriate compliment." "It's true," Dwayne concurred. "I'd bang the hell out of Granny too if I enjoyed hoohoos." "TMI, Dwayne," I muttered. Junior shut his eyes again and put his hands over his ears. "Sweet baby Jesus in a jock strap, I can't unhear any of this." "Dwayne, I'd just like to say I find that flattering." Granny smiled as she adjusted her boob tube and blew him a kiss. "
― Robyn Peterman , Some Were In Time (Shift Happens #2)
11
" Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, all the angels and saints, the Goddess, Mother Earth, all my ancestors and Dolce and Gabbana, my prayers have been answered! We'll be hosting the nuptials of my son and my darling daughter-in-law on our land. Praise Buddha," she shouted. Again the crowd went nuts. "Boy, she really hit a large cross-section of deities," Dwayne observed. "Can you pry me out of her knockers?" I begged, still unable to see anything except the cavern between her bosoms. "
― Robyn Peterman , Some Were In Time (Shift Happens #2)
12
" That is some farked up stuff you have in your blood, Vampyre," Granny grunted as she shook her head and chuckled. "I feel like I did after twelve hours straight of shopping on Black Friday last year." “Sorry, doll," Dwayne said as he ruffled her hair. "But thank you." "You're welcome, bloodsucker. You've become the undead grandson I never knew I wanted." "Oh my Donna Summer," Dwayne babbled as he hugged her tight. "As shittastic as this day is going, I'd repeat the whole damn thing to hear you say those words again." "I love you, you high maintenance undead girly boy," she said affectionately. "
― Robyn Peterman , Some Were In Time (Shift Happens #2)
17
" How about we go scare the hell out of the Pack with the flying mangy Werewolf?" Hank's wolf grinned, which would look frightening if you didn't know him. "That is fabulous," I squealed. "While I wholeheartedly agree with the devious activity," Dwayne said with a hand on his hip and his brows raised high, "if you call me mangy one more time, I will fly over your head and pee on you." "Okay, that's just gross," I said as I shuddered. "What if we just call you nappy?" "I prefer kinky," he informed us with a grin. "Of course you do." I rolled my eyes and chuffed. "Alright, kinky Vamp, you ready to go have some fun with the wolves?" "Oh my god," Dwayne shrieked as he levitated and did flips in the air. "I haven't had this much fun since I went fishing naked in the Bermuda Triangle with Hemingway, some Pygmy fellas and a Were Skunk named Herm. "
― Robyn Peterman , Some Were In Time (Shift Happens #2)
