Pinwheels and Dandelions QUOTES

121 " Memories used to linger in the raindrops. However, today, there is something different in the air. It is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I feel the light... and it is peeking in. Soon my heart will be shining bright, filled with a downpour of love and light. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

122 " They say, you are a wildfire that is out of control. It doesn’t matter because nobody sees it; they only feel it. I burn and set fire to everyone who crosses me because they deserve it. Nobody deserves my kindness. My kindness to them is a weakness, so I created a wildfire in my mind and around me. My skin is brass, and I do not burn easily. I am a human hazard because I destroy everything and everyone who gets in my way. They made me this way. Every time they neglected me, I was slowly fuming with heat. Every time they ignored me the fumes grew hotter from the smoke. Therefore, I became a human being gone bad. Every time they inhaled my fumes, I would cut them with my tongue's quadruple swords and kill them with my words. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

123 " When I was born, I was a wildfire, but the flames were smothered by me, always having to find a way to survive. Wildfire defines me perfectly because, just like a wildfire, I was unplanned, unwanted, and now I am uncontrollable. Everyone says, Ember, you’ve come so far, and they are shocked by my actions. I don’t know why they are surprised. After all, it is not my fault. I was born this way.
I have officially exploded. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

124 " The clouds are turning dark grey. They look very familiar. They used to be clouds of grief. As the grey clouds darken, the sky turns black, but I have no fear. The rain has cleared the air and has washed away all the fears I carried along the way. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

125 " The heavy rain clouds are moving away slowly. When the heart rains, it is cleansing the soul. When the heart rains, hurt fades away. My heart is raining, and happy days are one step in front of me. All I have to do is take that one step that will lead me to happiness and love. I do not look back. I keep my head straight and move one foot in front of the other. I just stepped into a world of happiness. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

126 " I guess the saying goes just when you think people aren’t looking— they are. I see now that saying goes for the good and the bad. Therefore, I always have to be aware, not only of my surroundings but of myself. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

127 " Dear Silent Sorrow,
I am hurting. I am numb. I am weak. I am dead inside. I am lost for words... please, help me. Will the morning ever come in my and Kace’s life? Where is the sun? It keeps setting on us, but it never rises! I am walking on a bridge surrounded by troubled waters. Where is the moon? I need help with controlling the waters. The bridge has water on it, under it, and all around it. It is unstable. It is rocking from side to side. I am scared. What am I to do? Please, tell me quickly. My fear is that I will never get across to the other side without Kace. I need Kace in my life. I need him. I will not leave Kace behind. I do not understand any of this. It is hard to find peace—when will morning come? Right here and right now, I am unable to feel.
I will jump off this troubled bridge if Kace is not with me. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

128 " I am drenched in love and loving it! "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

129 " Hope swallowed fear whole as I couldn’t make room for any kind of negative thinking. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

130 " I had a strange dream. I was carrying a bookbag on my back, and it had a lot of tools in it. However, for some reason, I couldn’t take off the backpack. In the dream, I had to continue to start over from where I started. I was so tired and frustrated. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. All I knew was that I was walking in the desert with a backpack on. Again, the dream kept repeating itself. I didn’t want to keep starting over because it was hard. However, every single time the dream started over, it was more challenging because I was hungry and thirsty. I saw a tree in the desert, but I couldn’t get any water. It started to snow, but I didn’t have shelter. I was cold, and I didn’t know how to get warm. I looked around, and there wasn’t anyone in sight. I realized that I had to walk down the path that was my own. I never had anyone to hold my hand. However, some people want people to walk in front of them, beside them, beneath, or above them. I was tired of walking the never-ending path of heavy burdens. However, my path of burdens wasn’t by choice. I was given this path, but in my dream, I had to change the direction.
I was giving permission to take off my backpack. I needed water, and I noticed I had a cup in my backpack. I also had a spile (spout) that I could use to get water out of a tree. It was getting colder and colder. I needed shelter. I looked in my bag, and there were tools to make a tent. I put my tent together after I gathered some water. I dug in my bag, and I saw some sticks. I built a fire to warm up. My dream was very interesting. It brought clarity into my life. I had all of the tools I needed to start over. However, I had to make the choice to use them. I had to put my mom’s choices behind me because I cannot change what happened. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

131 " Strangely, the rain has always been one of my best friends because it understands my sorrow. It speaks to my soul, and it lets me know that all is well. It never lied to me because my tears expressed my thoughts to the rain— it has done the same. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

132 " As I walked by a small pond—my reflection was looking back at me. The cloudy sky reflection makes the pond look like dark clouds are underwater. I know how that feels— mentally, it is a prison of dark forces tying your legs together as it refuses to let you kick and swim so that you can breathe. Instead, it drowns your thoughts with darkness and despair. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

133 " The scattered drizzle of rain that was on my window pane no longer was crying for help. It rained the whole night. I understood what the rain was saying. My tears spoke to the rain, and the rain always returned the favor. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

134 " It is like I am on a merry-go-round; it just keeps going in circles, round and round—and another go-round I go. When will I be able to get off? "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

135 " Why do I have to fight all the time when I just want to have peace? Why is it so hard for me to find peace? It shouldn’t be this difficult to find. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

136 " I had to remember my golden rule, and it was that I had to elevate my mind. I couldn’t make room for the thunder that tried to ramble in my head. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

137 " Just when I thought I could conquer anything, to my surprise, life threw darts at me once again. Sadly, my mind was the bull’s eye I felt like my life was sucked and pulled out from under me as I struggled to make it through another minute. The darts pierced every nerve in my body, and it was so painful. Every single day the little hope I gained was stolen from me. That place hit me right in the bull's eye because it weakened my core and fucked up my mind to the point that there wasn’t such thing as surviving. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

138 " Dear Curses and Blessings,
How could there be two in one? I never knew a person could be cursed and blessed. There’s no such thing as having both. There no such thing as taking sides when it comes to blessings and curses—I always thought that a person had to pick one. I would never have made the decision to be cursed. It was given to me. Well... Kace and I apparently have been the chosen ones. We’ve been the main target. When curses shot their arrows, they hit the bullseye faithfully, without fail. Why couldn’t we have been the chosen ones for bountiful blessings? It is a blessing that Kace is alive, but it is a curse that he was in danger.
My emotions are a waterfall of never-ending thoughts of what is going to happen next. Kace has so many tubes in him—it is like he is being smothered, dissolving in webs of lies one after another. The same lies that my mother told him—she told me when I was younger. I am sure she told him she would keep him safe. I am more than sure she told the judge she had changed. Kace was coiled in a web of lies. Now he is coiled in wires to survive.
Our lives are surrounded by many curses, but I know there must be a couple of blessings to be spared. Please. I am begging you to show us some mercy. I will accept our blessings even if they are thrown at us like breadcrumbs. I will fall to my knees and scramble to pick them up one by one. When will mine and Kace’s lives be gentle as a flowing stream without any worries? Right now, I have to pack my feelings and tears away.
Cruses and blessings, please think about what I said. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

139 " I do not know how many times I pretended to smile with moist eyes. Nobody knows how many times I pretended to smile with moist eyes because nobody noticed. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions

140 " Tears have entangled in our eyelashes as I look through them—I see only the world for what it is, and it is blurry. I was born into a blurry world. I share a mirror full of tears because what you see is what you get. "

― Charlena E. Jackson , Pinwheels and Dandelions