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21 " Recovery from verbal abuse is the opportunity to accept all your feelings and to recognize their validity. You may be the first person to recognize and accept them and to know that they are not wrong. They are, as we have said earlier, indicators that something is or was wrong in your environment, and it isn’t you. "
― Patricia Evans , The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
22 " A poisonous pedagogy is a toxic method of teaching or raising a child. It is a method which controls the behavior of the child by the misuse of Power Over the child. This misuse of power causes the child extreme pain. If the child becomes an adult without having worked through the hurt and pain of the experience, he will perpetuate the misuse of power in adulthood. Consequently, the adult can become toxic or poisonous to others. This toxicity is what we find in abusive relationships. "
23 " The partner suffered many wrongs to her spirit. And, she did not know the meaning of her pain. However, because she remained aware of her feelings, she was connected to the spirit of life at her center — the source of her Personal Power. Eventually, it was the power of her feelings and the knowledge of her spirit which enabled her to recognize the abuse and, in so doing, gain Reality II self-esteem. "
24 " Verbal abusers block discussions because they are not willing to talk with their mates on an equal basis. The abuser prevents the possibility of mutual support and planning together and so deprives himself and his partner of the many benefits such partnership would bring. "
25 " Verbal abuse: Words that attack or injure, that cause one to believe the false, or that speak falsely of one. "
26 " and by acting in her own best interests she relieves her feelings of inadequacy and regains her natural State of Personal Power. "
27 " If you are considering a new relationship, be discriminating. Notice the difference between what you want, what you imagine, and what you are actually getting. Notice if you and your new mate share the same reality. "
28 " As long as this child within is not allowed to become aware of what happened to him or her, a part of his or her emotional life will remain frozen, and sensitivity to the humiliations of childhood will therefore be dulled. "
29 " The abuser’s worth is derived from a sense of one-upmanship and winning over. If the partner accomplishes something, the abuser views her accomplishment "
30 " The abuser controls the interpersonal communication and, therefore, the interpersonal reality by refusing to discuss upsetting interactions. The abuser blames the partner for upsetting interactions, and the partner believes him and therefore thinks that they are her fault. "
31 " It was really hard too, because I always had a lot of feeling. You know, when I was little I used to pray to God that I’d grow up fast so I wouldn’t feel anymore "
32 " You get conditioned to it and confused by it, and then you don’t know what’s going on. "
33 " All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! — Anatole France "
34 " Anything achieved by the partner is seen as a threat by the abuser. "
35 " One way to identify a relationship of inequality is to determine whether or not the couple can set mutual goals and discuss them together. In an abusive relationship, the couple does not really plan together. Planning together requires mutuality and equality. "
36 " Yelling at living things does tend to kill the spirit in them. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts … "
37 " The underlying premise of this book is that verbal abuse is an issue of control, a means of holding power over another. This abuse may be overt or covert, constant, controlling, and what Bach and Deutsch (1980) call “crazymaking. "
38 " acting to protect herself, the partner protects her own spirit and regains the security of her natural State of Personal Power. "
39 " enthusiastic about something when she is suddenly thrown off balance, or shocked by her mate. "
40 " Verbally abusive women often have psychological disorders. I have not known these abusive women to seek help even when they face divorce. Some, as if they were victims, even initiate divorce. They seem to believe their accusations. In other words, their accusations are automatic explanations (confabulations) that their mind forms that explain to them why they feel attacked by their spouse’s personhood, his success, or even his happiness. "